I think youāre right. If you spend a lot of time thinking about food, it seems logical your brain would send out āhungry messagesā more. I know when Iām fully engaged in a creative project I can completely forget to eat. It really helps to have something to take your mind off of food. Or just accept youāre a foodie and that extra weight is just a part of that. Doesnāt seem like youāre badly overweight to me.
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Being a foodie doesnāt make you fat, being greedy and indulgent does. You can enjoy all the nice foods in the world, just not 6 meals a day of them.
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That would surely depend on your definition of āfatā v āextra weightā, ānice foodsā and āmealsā.
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Not really, we can pussyfoot around and try and convince one another being fat is OK (body acceptance etc), but āfatā for me is either:
- Excessive observable bodyfat features (belly etc).
- Residing in the upper āOverweightā BMI region without a presence in oneās lifestyle of weight training.
In my eyes, if we donāt start openly saying āYouāre FAT, this is unhealthy, please change your waysā, the NHS is categorically going to fail, so I have no hesitation in defining fat.
Nice foods is something that is something subjectively enjoyable, which is statistically going to be something seen as a treat, which is inevitably going to be yummy (unhealthyā¦) treats.
A meal on the other hand for me is any caloric consumption which you take a moment out of your day to enjoy. Sandwich, bag of crisps, curry, buffet. All meals.
Chris must realise that being a responsible, healthy foodie is absolutely possible with sustainable and consistent weights. Whatās not possible is being a healthy foodie with unlimited appetite and unlimited greed, I.e eating until your stomach says āHoly shit, purge now plsā.
Itās a ridiculously hard point to reach mentally. Iāve never been able to crack it, but maybe one day I will. For me itās either binge or routine. If I slip out of my routine for even a day Iām hitting 3000 cals easily.
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I think youāve just proved my point. Youāve given your definitions, but not everyone would see it the same. For example to me nice food is not ātreatā style unhealthy foods. Nice food could be sushi, or a really good salad. Food that tastes good and makes you feel good while youāre eating it AND while your body is digesting it. To an anorexic a meal could be a bite of apple, while at the other end of the scaleā¦ well, I canāt even imagine what a morbidly obese bed-bound person would consider a meal, but Iāll bet my life that it would NOT be a bite of apple. Similarly, an anorexic is going to see their body as still fat at a point where other people will already be thinking they are way too skinny.
BMI is a good standard, and unlike words like fat, nice food, meal etc is clearly defined and not subjective. If you put in Chrisās stats into a BMI calculator, youāll find she is in the healthy weight zone.
Itās not just about weight. Itās about quality as well as quantity. Of course no one in their right mind is going to think that eating unlimited quantities of junk can possibly be healthy. That isnāt my definition of being a foodie though. Thereās a difference between being a fine food connoisseur and being a junk food addict.
For sure the obesity epidemic is a strain on the NHS. But so are other things that are either socially acceptable, unavoidable, or just plain expected. The real problem for the NHS is underfunding, poor organisation, and corporate greed and the business oportunity to be had by privatisation. Blaming the patient is shifting the blame. Of course people should take care of their own health through decent nutriton and exercise and that would cure so many problems for so many people. But not everyone is willing to take responsibility for their own health. Lots of people are perfectly happy to mess whatever element of their life up if there is someone there to sort it out for them for free. People arenāt always sane and rational and itās no good pretending that they are.
I certainly donāt advocate for telling people that itās OK to be fat. Itās definitely not OK. But I wasnāt saying that to Chris. She has a healthy BMI but if you read her daily food intake lists they are not all healthy foods. I donāt have a healthy BMI, Iām way over what I should be, but if I was to put up lists of what I eat on a daily basis (mainly Huel with a side of corn thins and houmous) my list would be pretty healthy. Iāve had people tell me my diet is ātoo healthyā, whatever that means. Too healthy doesnāt exist in my book, but to some people it seems like if you donāt have the odd McDonaldās or Chinese takeaway youāre a health food fanatic who should calm it down.
So what Iām saying is I stand by my original assertion that people have different understandings of what these word mean.
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Day 84
Weight: 56.6kg touring & eating treat foods on holiday in measured amounts and with exercise =/= gaining fat
Food Intake: (~1757kcal)
- 350ml of (112g Huel, MatchaFS)
- best bread ever loaf & cs brioche bun
- eat&cs 1/2 Nutella donut
- 1/2 tub salted caramel Halo Top
- 60g Arla Protein cottage cheese
- 150g Lowicz Serek Wiejski cottage cheese yum loved the texture of curds and whey hahaha
- Dinnerā~210g braised beef cheeks, roasted brussel sprouts & butternut squash
Exercise: 1h OrangeTheory Fitness Class (aPPARENTLY 600kcal burnt but I donāt trust it), steps altogether (2348kcal burnt)
Other Observations:
- OH MAN IT WAS SUCH A GOOD WORKOUT SESH AHHHH just a nascent thoughtā¦I could maybe even start enjoying running!!! I definitely want to go back to the gym again back home it doesnāt feel like death!!! Was challenging but not overly scarily so.
-
Exercise: Iāve had an epiphany. (Long rant alert) So up until now, Iāve had this instinctive aversion to āworking outā. Itās not that I donāt want to move, and Iām always looking to invite friends to go workout together. I play ultimate and walk and dance and mma and do circuits classes. BUT the idea of committing to a regular workout routine scares me, and I realised itās because of what my past experiences have caused me to paint working out to be. I realised that when I went to the gym class today and asked āam I supposed to feel like death?ā
In the past, I did classes (which donāt have the same negative thoughts), as well as T25, Max30 and BBG during ED recovery. I swam and ran during my ED. These were great workouts, donāt get me wrong. It made me the strongest Iāve ever been. I pushed myself to do more than I ever could. It made me realise that your mind is stronger than what you think your physical limits are. I practically collapsed at the end of these workouts because I wanted to keep pushing myself. I almost felt faint sometimes, my heart beating out of my chest.
While pushing my limits is good, I think there were several problems:
- It came from a place of destruction and trying to gain self worth through fitness since I no longer could from the ED.
- It conditioned my mind to view exercise as something thatās way too mentally taxing. That I can only do when I can fully commit to it and push myself mentally, instead of as stress relief. Was only something I did when not being destructive.
- It was all or nothing. Everyday, or nothing at all. Give it my best, or nothing at all. Was never going to be sustainable, like little habits built up over time.
- So what does that mean? Itās good that, like with food and nutrition, Iāve pretty much learned different exercises and its form and what working out feels like. Iām no stranger to knowing that exercises arenāt meant to be easy. BUT, like with food (literally the same approach ahaha), if I restricted to below 1000kcal (i.e. making sure I exercised Everyday or Iād be a failure), I was bound to crack and binge (I.e. drop off the exercise bandwagon). Instead, like what I did right with food this time and having core & periphery goalsāIF, water, calorie limitsāIām going to take it slow with exercise and not rush into it, to build up my love for exercising. Sustainably, this time. There are more goals for exercising than āfeeling like death as an indicator that it was a good workoutā. I donāt HAVE to āimprove every sessionā.
- Iāll decide on my exercise core and periphery goals next time, but for now, Iāll leave with the thought that the workout session felt so good; I DID push myself but not overly so; I realised that I may actually be able to run
and actually enjoy it (!!); exercise is a celebration of what the body can do, and is simply a way to burn more calories, be active, is part of a healthy lifestyle (long term health benefits!), and to shape up by actually using doze muscles. No, I donāt have to feel like dying for it to be a good workout. And all in all, CONSISTENCY IS KEY.
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Donāt think I agree with anything said there so Iāll avoid cluttering Chrisās log.
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Day 85
Weight: 56.7kg flying home today; canāt wait to get eat into a proper eating and exercise routine!
Food Intake: (1973kcal)
- Lunchā106g Arla Protein Cottage Cheese, 1/2 tub caramel Halo Top, 1/3rd plate stir fried eggplant
, 150g blackberries - 1 Americano
- more eggplant
- 2 chunks Oreo chocolate
- 164g mango
- bread loaf & brioche
- 300ml of (112g MatchaFS Huel)
- 300g cottage cheese
Other Observations:
- Iām quite proud of myself. Even though the conditions havenāt been ideal (exams, travelling), I decided not to wait until conditions are, because what Iām doing is a lifestyle change. At every step of the way, no matter how difficult it is, I just need to do the best I can. And yes Iāve bounced around 56-57 way too many times, but it wouldāve been way worse had I decided to give up entirely. And in persevering, Iāve still maintained a 1.2kg loss since 22/5. I KNOW that itāll be even better once I get back to routine, and this lets me know that my method towards food can finally be compatible with general life.
- Traveling: Iām gonna cut myself a bit of slack for today. Iāve never dealt well with changing timezones (itās always messed with my mind like what are meal timings even), AND Iāll be sedentary for 13h on the plane back home. So hereās what Iāll do:
- Log MFP in terms of
timing. - Not worry about IFing.
- Try to make good decisions even if Iām overeating a bit (like eating protein, sleeping, not mindlessly snacking etc.)
- Stay hydrated
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Day 86 (No Huel)
Weight: ? was flying
Food Intake: (1860kcal in ~13h, 1589kcal burnt in 16h)
Other Observations:
- Survived the plane ride! The overeating wasnāt as bad as Iād thought. Hopefully wonāt cross 57.5kg. Now to get back into routine the next few days!
- Mentally, counting the day in MFP as part of the new time zoneās calories worked for me. So did staying hydrated and eating the low fat meal etc.
- Parents said that I looked like I lost weight haha yay
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Day 87
Weight: 55.9kg im confused.
Food Intake: (1493kcal in, 1677kcal out)
- 112g Huel, ChocFS i can definitely see Huel as part of my home routine
- 1 red bean DPlus bun (235kcal)
- 20g ovomaltine crunchy cream (109kcal)
- cs bread
- 100g baked salmon
- 3 egg whites w nooch
- Dinnerā100g broccoli, 136g edible oily chicken thighs
Other Observations:
- 55.9kg??? I was preparing myself for 57.5kg lol. Feeling bloated, and itās 2 days to period! Also I coulda sworn Iāve overeaten?? Iām convinced that either the floor is broken, or gravity is broken here at home LOL. Ah well weāll see if it lasts.
- I forgot that Iād have a tendency to be suuuper sedentary today. I was planning to take a walk but I fell asleep for 2h instead #jetlag So yeah I havenāt burnt much. I hope I donāt gain, but I also acknowledge that thereās an adjustment period to a new location again (and surprising that my weight didnāt spike as it usually does). Iāll give myself til next Sunday to settle back into routine here.
- Thereās SO MUCH FOOD and variety at home ahh I forgot how much my mum cooked haha. But itās ok Iām armed with more ability to resist overeating, itās time to put it into practice.
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Dunno if this is of any interest at this time of the month but I certainly found it so and itās not even relevant to me 
It goes into the details of female hormones and metabolism increases during the whole month of a female cycle.
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Day 88
Weight: 55.6kg can it really be??? didnāt exercise at all yesterday
Food Intake: (1380kcal in)
- 90g Huel + 15g strawberry whey
- ~160g baked salmon
- 1 tortang talong w ketchup
- 1/2 lemon protein bar
- 1 Vanilla Powerplus protein bar (133kcal)
- 106g chicken slices
- 34g 1 small chocolate roll bun & 34g 1 slice red bean Hokkaido bread
Exercise: (3152kcal out)
- Gym workout
- Beach ultimate frisbee
- A lot of walking (22394 steps)
Other Observations:
- Iām feeling SO BLOATED I hate it :< Itās very easy to mistake it for feeling fat or looking fat sigh my stomachās protruding out. I wouldāve accepted my weight having bounced back to 58kg even since ughhh. A good indicator that sometimes, the scale is more objective than āhow you feelā, because I feel FAT ASFCK but apparently Iāve lost some weight?
- Who knows, 55kg could just be in my reach by mid/20th July!
- Shizzzz this is the largest deficit Iāve had, ever. Almost 1800kcal lmao, didnāt even think it was possible. It seems Iāve burnt even more than the day I had frisbee for 6h, and the day I walked ~25000 steps but burnt around 2500kcal. Strength training definitely burns calories + the afterburn.
- ED: I canāt help but feel kinda proud I ate only 1380kcal. And happy I was so active today (3152kcal is literally the most Iāve ever burned). Please remind me again why having too large a deficit is bad!!! Yeah I need to remind myself that what Iām looking for is a sustainable long term lifestyle, not a quick fix where I burn out and give up. I donāt want my metabolism to adjust to eating less. I donāt want to have binge cravings from too large a deficit. I donāt actually want too quick a weight loss, because I believe that the longer it takes to come off, the longer itāll stay off. I donāt want to feel forced to exercise everyday and be unable to chill without being distressed.
- Plan: Iām going to aim for around 1500+kcal while being as active as I can. I donāt NEED to exercise everyday , nor chide myself when I donāt. But for now yeah, I can be happy that I stuck to IF, ate my Huel, ate whatever I felt like within the window, and did exercises that really did make me feel GOOD.
- For some reason I really had no appetite today idk maybe itās the bloating.
@GTIPuG ahhh I love that guy! Heās hilarious hahaha (especially in all his way-too-much swearing videos xD) but yeah, very informative thanks! Makes a LOT of sense too, especially the chocolate and carb cravings and water retention. ((Lowkey envious of your stable testosterone))
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Day 89
Weight: 55.9kg wouldve freaked out last time being like omg I couldāve sworn I ate so little and exercised a lot what am I doing wrong??? and proceed to cut more caloriesā¦but now I know better. My weightās stabilising around 56 before going down, and I know Iām doing everything right. I just need to be patient (which is lowkey annoying bc I really wanna hit 55 at least once by mid July!)
Food Intake: [1693kcal in]
- 2/3 of (100g Huel, 3g MatchaFS)
- ~100+g kaya brioche bread did I mention I am ADDICTED to soft bread?
- broccoli
- 11 pieces 7g scallop sashimi dat proteinz
- Friendās Hari Raya Celebrationāa bit of chicken soup, 1 drumette, 2 small cookies
- Movie Snacksā2 Oreo thins, 1 digestive thin, 1 packet seaweed, 1/2 layenberger lemon protein bar
- Dinnerā1/3 Huel bar, ~68g brioche eat&cs, 148g scallop sashimi
Activity: [2061kcal out]
- 14010 steps (walking from CityHall to Shaw) (dance recap)
Other Observations:
- Chest aching from benchpress, thighs aching from squats/sand running
- Ngl q worried because I have no idea what to expect from the celebration. And itās centred around food. Almost backed out because itās a surefire way to consume less calories. But NO itās an honour to be invited to their cultural Malay celebration; and recovery is all about being able to attend social events and not reject it to lose weight! (Not saying that I wonāt be choosy with which events I may overeat at)
- +impromptu movie & ??? with my bestie whom I havenāt seen in like half a year!! Weāve always been huge foodies together. Also wonāt have time (or muscle capacity) to gym, so Iāll just take it as it comes, eat as much protein, walk as much as possible, eat chewing gum at the theatre. Worst comes to worst, Iāll just say Iām rly full from the celebration (which may well be true), and Iāll try to stop eating by 9pm (the show is until 8.30 I think)
- Dinnerā¦was a bit messy. So my bestie ate before the movie and I thought we were gonna have dinner after. But I was p hungry during the movie so I snacked a bunch (thank goodness for my fantastic plan-ahead Snacks). Ate my remaining Huel bar after. Had decided I wasnāt gonna eat below 1500kcal today for my mental health, so I ditched IF for today (ended at 10.35pm) Was still kinda hungry so I made a slight bad impulse decision of getting and demolishing really good bread from Miranda. Went back home and ate ~150g of scallop sashimi.
- Iāve started being able to shift my meets with friends from being centered solely around food and drinks and calories, to being more active! Gymming and taking long walks etc :ā) taking long walks is especially great when you have a Fitbit LOL.
- I think the old adage is true: itās really around 12 weeks (3+ months in my case) where people start to notice some weight lost! Not drastically so but still.
- Iām still eating whatever I feel like, and whatever I want; just, not all at once.
- BMs still not adjusted to this time zone to be regular yet.
- Iām feeling the hunger more and earlier than I usually do. Could be the larger-than-usual caloric deficit from yesterday.
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Iām just going to jump right in to your meditation question, even though it wasnāt me who suggested it. Hereās an easy little Starter-For-Ten for youā¦ 
-
Sit comfortably. Cross-legged on the floor or on a cushion on the floor is fine, and so is on a firm chair with your legs uncrossed and feet flat on the floor. Keep your back straight and your chin down just slightly. You can have your hands on your knees, or comfortably in your lap. If you need to shift position during your session, just do it - no harm done!
-
Close your eyes - minimises distractions.
-
Take two or three deep breathes, and drop into your body. Become aware of your position, of the places where your body touches the ground or the chair, any little aches or pains you feel. Nothing to do here - just be aware.
-
Set an intention. Deep clarity and awareness is a good one to start with.
-
Now, breathing naturally through your nose, focus on your breathe as it passes over your top lip. Just breathe as you do normally, except place your awareness on your top lip, and feel each breath, in and out, in and out. Thoughts will crop up, all the time! Donāt worry about them. If you can visualise, see your meditating mind as a vast blue sky, and see thoughts as just clouds passing over. Or you can see them as soap bubbles you can pop. Either way, they donāt matter, donāt impact on your session, just pop them, or watch them drift away. Just donāt let any of them pull you in for any length of time. And even if that does happen, worry not - just return to the breath and let the thought go.
-
Start with just doing this for 2 minutes. Then, gradually build up to wherever you can, depending on your schedule for the delay. A good session is 15 minutes plus, but donāt be in any rush to get there.
-
To finish, bring your hands up together in front of your face, in the praying position, and give a little bow of thanks and recognition to your Higher Self, your Greatness. If you can. sit for a further minute or so and just savour the feelings youāve created in yourself. Enjoy. Then, jump up and get on with your day!
It doesnāt sound much (itās not) and it sounds simple (it is) but the impact can be tremendousā¦
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Day 90
Weight: 55.8kg ayyy itās stablising! seems like 55.9 wasnāt much of a fluke can only really tell with time, with these things
Food Intake: (~1622kcal in)
- 90g Huel + 20g Mocha Whey
- 25g MatchaFS Huel mixed this with some mocha whey for convenience, and it tasted like a nice matcha latte hahaha
- Samplesā1 tablespoon Oreo soft serve, 3x egg yolk fish skin, 2 pea chips, 2 konjac
- 1 Kueh Ambon
- 60g chicken slices
- 1/2 Auntie Anneās cinnamon sugar pretzel
- Dinnerā2 Mama Patisserie buns
Activity: (@FF TC, 3210kcal out)
- 1h Cardio Step class
- 1/2h circuit (45s:10s, 5 stations, 3 rounds)
- 1h Bodycombat
- 45min BodyJam i cut the class because I got too tired and stopped concentrating, and the point is to enjoy myself
Other Observations:
- Food & Exercise: My perception of the relationship between food and exercise has been a very strange one.
- 2011 (13): I have no time to exercise, so Iāll just cut calories.
- 2012 (14): Iām going to run and swim everyday in addition to cutting cals since Iām a small person and need a bigger deficit.
- 2013 (15): Gym classes, bc activity
- 2014-2015 (16-17): The occasional gym class; binging like crazy.
- 2015-2016 (17-18): Acknowldege Bulimia, scared to shift to the over-exercising sector of compensation. Disallowed from counting calories. Separating exercise and food.
- 2016-2017 (18-19): Shaun T & BBG pretty hardcore everyday. Exercise to build muscle and to feel good and strong, instead of to lose weight. Learned that I deserve to eat regardless of exercise. Still unable to count calories without being triggered (and started purging), so I didnāt lose much weight despite vigorous exercise.
- 2018 (20): And nowā¦itās a bit convoluted. I exercise because I like being active. Because I like the way my muscles start to feel and look. Because being able to lift weights is cool and an ego booster, AND helps me carry my luggage and be functional and be better at sports. I really do wanna be better at sports and to be able to pick things up quickly because I have good muscle control. (Dance, ultimate, MMA) Because being fit has become a bit of my identity. I exercise because I just enjoy it really haha especially now im realizing it doesnāt have to be hell. The link to foodāI exercise to burn more calories. Not in a ācycle hard to burn off this ice cream!ā sense (I abhor it when people say this), because itās way easier to just not eat the ice cream than to run for an hour. But just increasing my caloric deficit if possible, WHILE remaining consistent in my eating. Iām not using these as intertwined mechanisms (directly proportional), because I realize how much better in the long run it is to be consistent (i.e. Creating a routine of eating ~1500kcal/day). Nonetheless, on days I know Iāll eat more, I try to walk more; or days I drink alcohol, I try to party it up and go all out. ((Shaky ED ground I suppose but weāll see.)) The Fitbit just helps me see very clearly my CICO, and thanks to that Godsent friend of mine, Iāve discovered the CICO chart and I really donāt like seeing red bars in the chart
- Iām honestly glad at how far Iāve come. For the first time, I have a consistent method to lose weight gradually that ACTUALLY WORKS. I canāt tell you how many ābeforeā pictures Iāve taken, only to have it become a slideshow of me getting fatter I mean, the ED definitely prolonged my journey of being able to do this healthily. And now, ~5.5kg loss in, I canāt believe I can finally actually call this a weight loss journey!
I remember first starting out, seeing ā0.2kg lostā and being like lol Iām just gonna easily gain that back by a bit of overeating. But nope; I know for a fact Iām not just going to gain back that 5.5kg Iāve worked so hard to lose, overnight. I may gain 1kg of fat&water after overeating or a binge, but 5.5kg? Thatās gotta be a bunch of fat lost for sure. - Iām going to have my psychologist appointment this afternoon! The last i talked to her, I was one month into Huel and was excitedly explaining it to her. Will update!
- Update: Saw my psychologist; sheās basically very happy with my progress (that Iām taking time to think and plan ahead, am being flexible etc, and gave me some answers and solutions re: home situation & exercise.) Its good to have professional assurance that Iām on the right track! ALSO, I raved about Huel, and she wants me to bring some for her to try! She said that sometimes when she works through the day from 10-4, sheās unable to get adequate nutrients in and starts craving junk or snacks HAHAHAH GO HUEL!!!
From what I said, she dubs it āThe Magical Shakeā ā alternative advertisement ideas??? 
- Exercise: Iām really enjoying exercising! Itās actually really fun pushing yourself because you can, and because you want to be the best version of yourselves, vs punishing yourself because you donāt feel like youāre worth anything. :ā) And fuelling myself properlyā¦itās actually so much easier HAHA. I was actually so sleepy and was reconsidering (only very briefly) gymming, but I honestly do look forward instead of dread it. Itās also an awesome ego boost when the Trainers notice āthat girl is so fast/agile/hardcoreā heheh.
- As with food but opposite, I donāt think āthe more the betterā. I want consistency. I want to come out from each exercise sesh having had a great session and wanting to repeat that, not dreading going back to the gym. I couldāve made myself go for 5-6 classes, but nah Iām enjoying myself a with 4
- As with boys, Iām realising that Iām starting to be a lot more selective with food! Like Iām not just clamouring for it because Iām desperate and scared thereāll never be another. Iām able to reject samples I donāt want, not buy an entire shop of bread (I visited the same bakery I went to during ED, and even though I bought 6 buns, I bought about 20 back then. I kid you not. I went there 2 years ago and the seller still remembers me.), and not consume the entirety of everything I get. Tbh Iāll be more than content with a bite.
-
Eating: Iāve eaten a LOT of carbs today. Did I crave it? No, not really. Having eaten my lunch Huel, I couldāve easily not eaten the many sweets and snacks Iāve had during the afternoon. Kueh ambon, samples, pretzel, bakery buns. BUT I know this is purely nostalgic. I didnāt need that food, but I WANTED it, because I wanted the emotional association of homeliness and familiarity I had with my favourites home foods. And you know what? Thatās perfectly okay, too! I tracked it as part of my intake, and sure it was a little high in carbs, but Iām working out quite a bit today and itās good fuel Yes, food can be enjoyed while losing weight!
- Oh and unless Iāve counted wrongly, it still falls under a caloric deficit! Which feels really weird because it feels like Iām constantly eating haha what even?! How is this possible.
- I definitely have a lot of room to work on to improve my Resistance and Strength training. But for this week or two, Iāll just do exercises I feel like, and just be active in general.
3 Likes
Day 91
Weight: 55.8kg
Food Intake: (2282kcal in)
- Huel berry smoothieā115g berries, 15g strawberry whey, 75g Huel, ice
- a SHIT TON OF BREAD & cs
- 35g super ring
- 15g cheese balls
- 25g ovomaltine spread
- ~1/2 steamed seabass
- Dinnerā33g 3 cherry tomatoes, 35g chicken, 2.5 slices meat, bean sprouts w sesame sauce, 2 egg whites w nooch
- Bingeā~70g bread filling, eat&cs 2 dayplus buns, cs 20 dark choc digestive thins
Activity: (2183kcal out)
- 10km trek/jog/run w dad @ Reservoir
Other Observations:
- 2.11pm: Its been 2h and Iāve consumed about 1200kcal. Note to selfāa large caloric deficit gives me binge urges the next day (like when I used to binge and fast and binge and fastā¦a pattern I do NOT want to get into again.)
- 9.38pm: I had another episode in the evening where I kinda binged
I was fully intending not to: I ate high protein and lower calorie food for dinner because I basically ate 1450kcal before 3.30pmā¦and then I ended up lowkey binging on bread to āget rid of itā. Although it sucked being in that zombie-binge state, I told myself to stop at 8pm, and I (mostly) did. Itās never too late to turn things around. Will most likely gain tmr but weāll see. I can always get back on track. Perhaps itās good to have several days without planning meals out. - I donāt quite know how to handle bread. Itās my favourite food from home ever, and I guess Iām trying to eat it before I go back to the UK and canāt have it(?). BUT I think subconsciously itās something I donāt feel allowed to have because of the high calories, or not worth the full amounts of calories. I guess I can eat 1/2 as a snack and some as dinner carbs since I already have Huel carbs haha.
- For future reference: Donāt let my caloric surplus go past 1000kcal (I.e. 2000kcal if burn 3000, but otherwise 1500ish.) Binge urges get p cray that way.
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Hey Chris
I just started my Huel journey last week and got to say- love your posts. Super funny and real so thanks
Well done on overcoming your ED- I know what its like to binge all too well so great that youre being so conscious of it!!
Looking forward to future posts
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Day 92
Weight: 56.1kg kinda expected since binging & havent had a proper BM in 4 daysā¦
Food Intake: (1413kcal in)
- 112g Huel, ChocFS
- 4 egg whites w 10g nooch + stir fried broccoli
+ 1/2 tube egg tofu w oyster sauce & 8g pork floss + 208g raw pumpkin w 10g sesame sauce - 111g blueberries
- 15 cheese balls & 10 super rings
- 7 butterfingers
- 1 packet chocolate teddy biscuits
- 26g ovomaltine spread
Activity: (1964kcal out)
- 1h Hip Hop class
Other Observations:
- ffs why canāt I just hit 55kg soon :((((( I feel a bit of the time pressure haha since I have 13 days before I leave to Hong Kong where I will most definitely gain a kg or 2 >< (although Iāll still try to get a lot of walking and activity in)
- Ugh Iāll just try to focus on getting a good home routine in. I havenāt yet adjusted to a stable routine because I keep having to go out with friends or check gyms out.
- Life Hack: ICE BLEND YOUR HUEL OMG it makes it like 1.5x the volume without diluting it much, and is absolutely PERFECT for summer! It reminds me a bit of Frappuccinos I used to enjoy from Starbucks
@Watsername aww thatās so sweet of you! I wouldnāt say Iāve overcome it yet, but hey 85% aināt too bad xD
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85% is fantastic and apologies iām sure its not something you can overcome so easily and you should be so proud of your progress.
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Day 93
Weight: 55.6kg
Food Intake: (1544kcal in)
- 92g Huel, 20g mocha whey
- Snacks & Sweetsā6 butterfingers, 1 blueberry dplus bun, 1 packet veggie crackers, 1 pan fried salmon skin
- Dinnerā141g broccoli w 100g enoki mushroom + 160g pumpkin w 5g sesame sauce + 179g bulla cottage cheese
Activity: (1995kcal out)
- 1h Krav Maga āRelease from Grabsā
- 11 467 steps
Other Observations:
- Iām still really bloatedā¦canāt tell if itās water retention because my TOM hasnāt come yet (probably stress from adjusting to a new timezone? Idk if thatās a thing)
- Update: Apparently jet lag messes with female hormone levels and a late TOM is expected. Who knew!
- Halp I feel like I look even fatter than I was at 61kg!! How can this be Iām at least 5kg lighter :<
- Iāve felt full the entire dayā¦is it just because Iām eating high protein and voluminous foods??? Or am I overeating agh.
- I suppose one reason (apart from hormones) my body isnāt comfortably losing fat at the regular pace it was is also because Iāve been seeking out home food that brings me nostalgia. And also that this home situation is where the ED first started, and a lot of food habits are reminiscent to back then. Iām nearly done with my nostalgia list though, and this time it was a lot shorter than last time haha. (Teddies, cheese balls, Super ring, mama bread, dplus bread, Mirana bakery bread, veggie crackers) (remaining: Bao, Yamazaki, Liusha) BUT Iāve also discovered what foods can comfortably make it into my routine at home, so thatās good.
- Going out for dinner nearly everyday next week ahh. Gonna make good choices and balanced meals though! (Teppei, caifan, Nassim Hill, T&T?)
- HOME HAS SUCH AMAZING BREAD AHHHH AMAZING BREAD EVERYWHERE YOU TURN UK pls follow suit so I donāt feel deprived
- Iāll have a month in August where Iād have met up with nearly everyone already, and can start having a very very regular schedule of dance and food. Of course Iāll still eat bread but itāll be a part of my normal diet.
- Not IFing tomorrow as imma club with a Friend!
- I now remember why I want to be strong. Went for the Krav Maga class, and itās so much easier to hold someone down or get out of a chokehold if youāre strong!!! Yahs this is why I should strength train more and cardio isnāt everything.
- 3.48am: Iāve spent the last 2h fretting about food and trying to plan and soothe my mindā¦itās so difficult because I have events basically every night for the next 1+ weeks, then Iām going to Hong Kong (food paradise), then Iām going to China (unknown food routine), Hong Kong again, then back home. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH itās so stressful ugh I just really need routine again.
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