📓 Daily Journal: Intermittent Fasting (16:8), ED Recovery and Weight Loss


#204

I think you’re right. If you spend a lot of time thinking about food, it seems logical your brain would send out “hungry messages” more. I know when I’m fully engaged in a creative project I can completely forget to eat. It really helps to have something to take your mind off of food. Or just accept you’re a foodie and that extra weight is just a part of that. Doesn’t seem like you’re badly overweight to me.


#205

Being a foodie doesn’t make you fat, being greedy and indulgent does. You can enjoy all the nice foods in the world, just not 6 meals a day of them.


#206

That would surely depend on your definition of “fat” v “extra weight”, “nice foods” and “meals”.


#207

Not really, we can pussyfoot around and try and convince one another being fat is OK (body acceptance etc), but ‘fat’ for me is either:

  • Excessive observable bodyfat features (belly etc).
  • Residing in the upper ‘Overweight’ BMI region without a presence in one’s lifestyle of weight training.

In my eyes, if we don’t start openly saying “You’re FAT, this is unhealthy, please change your ways”, the NHS is categorically going to fail, so I have no hesitation in defining fat.

Nice foods is something that is something subjectively enjoyable, which is statistically going to be something seen as a treat, which is inevitably going to be yummy (unhealthy…) treats.

A meal on the other hand for me is any caloric consumption which you take a moment out of your day to enjoy. Sandwich, bag of crisps, curry, buffet. All meals.

Chris must realise that being a responsible, healthy foodie is absolutely possible with sustainable and consistent weights. What’s not possible is being a healthy foodie with unlimited appetite and unlimited greed, I.e eating until your stomach says “Holy shit, purge now pls”.

It’s a ridiculously hard point to reach mentally. I’ve never been able to crack it, but maybe one day I will. For me it’s either binge or routine. If I slip out of my routine for even a day I’m hitting 3000 cals easily.


#208

I think you’ve just proved my point. You’ve given your definitions, but not everyone would see it the same. For example to me nice food is not “treat” style unhealthy foods. Nice food could be sushi, or a really good salad. Food that tastes good and makes you feel good while you’re eating it AND while your body is digesting it. To an anorexic a meal could be a bite of apple, while at the other end of the scale… well, I can’t even imagine what a morbidly obese bed-bound person would consider a meal, but I’ll bet my life that it would NOT be a bite of apple. Similarly, an anorexic is going to see their body as still fat at a point where other people will already be thinking they are way too skinny.

BMI is a good standard, and unlike words like fat, nice food, meal etc is clearly defined and not subjective. If you put in Chris’s stats into a BMI calculator, you’ll find she is in the healthy weight zone.

It’s not just about weight. It’s about quality as well as quantity. Of course no one in their right mind is going to think that eating unlimited quantities of junk can possibly be healthy. That isn’t my definition of being a foodie though. There’s a difference between being a fine food connoisseur and being a junk food addict.

For sure the obesity epidemic is a strain on the NHS. But so are other things that are either socially acceptable, unavoidable, or just plain expected. The real problem for the NHS is underfunding, poor organisation, and corporate greed and the business oportunity to be had by privatisation. Blaming the patient is shifting the blame. Of course people should take care of their own health through decent nutriton and exercise and that would cure so many problems for so many people. But not everyone is willing to take responsibility for their own health. Lots of people are perfectly happy to mess whatever element of their life up if there is someone there to sort it out for them for free. People aren’t always sane and rational and it’s no good pretending that they are.

I certainly don’t advocate for telling people that it’s OK to be fat. It’s definitely not OK. But I wasn’t saying that to Chris. She has a healthy BMI but if you read her daily food intake lists they are not all healthy foods. I don’t have a healthy BMI, I’m way over what I should be, but if I was to put up lists of what I eat on a daily basis (mainly Huel with a side of corn thins and houmous) my list would be pretty healthy. I’ve had people tell me my diet is “too healthy”, whatever that means. Too healthy doesn’t exist in my book, but to some people it seems like if you don’t have the odd McDonald’s or Chinese takeaway you’re a health food fanatic who should calm it down.

So what I’m saying is I stand by my original assertion that people have different understandings of what these word mean.


#209

Day 84

Weight: 56.6kg touring & eating treat foods on holiday in measured amounts and with exercise =/= gaining fat

Food Intake: (~1757kcal)

  • 350ml of (112g Huel, MatchaFS)
  • best bread ever loaf & cs brioche bun
  • eat&cs 1/2 Nutella donut
  • 1/2 tub salted caramel Halo Top
  • 60g Arla Protein cottage cheese
  • 150g Lowicz Serek Wiejski cottage cheese yum loved the texture of curds and whey hahaha
  • Dinner—~210g braised beef cheeks, roasted brussel sprouts & butternut squash

Exercise: 1h OrangeTheory Fitness Class (aPPARENTLY 600kcal burnt but I don’t trust it), steps altogether (2348kcal burnt)

Other Observations:

  • OH MAN IT WAS SUCH A GOOD WORKOUT SESH AHHHH just a nascent thought…I could maybe even start enjoying running!!! I definitely want to go back to the gym again back home it doesn’t feel like death!!! Was challenging but not overly scarily so.
  • Exercise: I’ve had an epiphany. (Long rant alert) So up until now, I’ve had this instinctive aversion to “working out”. It’s not that I don’t want to move, and I’m always looking to invite friends to go workout together. I play ultimate and walk and dance and mma and do circuits classes. BUT the idea of committing to a regular workout routine scares me, and I realised it’s because of what my past experiences have caused me to paint working out to be. I realised that when I went to the gym class today and asked “am I supposed to feel like death?”
    In the past, I did classes (which don’t have the same negative thoughts), as well as T25, Max30 and BBG during ED recovery. I swam and ran during my ED. These were great workouts, don’t get me wrong. It made me the strongest I’ve ever been. I pushed myself to do more than I ever could. It made me realise that your mind is stronger than what you think your physical limits are. I practically collapsed at the end of these workouts because I wanted to keep pushing myself. I almost felt faint sometimes, my heart beating out of my chest.
    While pushing my limits is good, I think there were several problems:
  1. It came from a place of destruction and trying to gain self worth through fitness since I no longer could from the ED.
  2. It conditioned my mind to view exercise as something that’s way too mentally taxing. That I can only do when I can fully commit to it and push myself mentally, instead of as stress relief. Was only something I did when not being destructive.
  3. It was all or nothing. Everyday, or nothing at all. Give it my best, or nothing at all. Was never going to be sustainable, like little habits built up over time.
  • So what does that mean? It’s good that, like with food and nutrition, I’ve pretty much learned different exercises and its form and what working out feels like. I’m no stranger to knowing that exercises aren’t meant to be easy. BUT, like with food (literally the same approach ahaha), if I restricted to below 1000kcal (i.e. making sure I exercised Everyday or I’d be a failure), I was bound to crack and binge (I.e. drop off the exercise bandwagon). Instead, like what I did right with food this time and having core & periphery goals—IF, water, calorie limits—I’m going to take it slow with exercise and not rush into it, to build up my love for exercising. Sustainably, this time. There are more goals for exercising than “feeling like death as an indicator that it was a good workout”. I don’t HAVE to “improve every session”.
  • I’ll decide on my exercise core and periphery goals next time, but for now, I’ll leave with the thought that the workout session felt so good; I DID push myself but not overly so; I realised that I may actually be able to run :running_woman: and actually enjoy it (!!); exercise is a celebration of what the body can do, and is simply a way to burn more calories, be active, is part of a healthy lifestyle (long term health benefits!), and to shape up by actually using doze muscles. No, I don’t have to feel like dying for it to be a good workout. And all in all, CONSISTENCY IS KEY.

#210

Don’t think I agree with anything said there so I’ll avoid cluttering Chris’s log.


#211

Day 85

Weight: 56.7kg flying home today; can’t wait to get eat into a proper eating and exercise routine!

Food Intake: (1973kcal)

  • Lunch—106g Arla Protein Cottage Cheese, 1/2 tub caramel Halo Top, 1/3rd plate stir fried eggplant :eggplant:, 150g blackberries
  • 1 Americano
  • more eggplant
  • 2 chunks Oreo chocolate
  • 164g mango
  • bread loaf & brioche
  • 300ml of (112g MatchaFS Huel)
  • 300g cottage cheese

Other Observations:

  • I’m quite proud of myself. Even though the conditions haven’t been ideal (exams, travelling), I decided not to wait until conditions are, because what I’m doing is a lifestyle change. At every step of the way, no matter how difficult it is, I just need to do the best I can. And yes I’ve bounced around 56-57 way too many times, but it would’ve been way worse had I decided to give up entirely. And in persevering, I’ve still maintained a 1.2kg loss since 22/5. I KNOW that it’ll be even better once I get back to routine, and this lets me know that my method towards food can finally be compatible with general life.
  • Traveling: I’m gonna cut myself a bit of slack for today. I’ve never dealt well with changing timezones (it’s always messed with my mind like what are meal timings even), AND I’ll be sedentary for 13h on the plane back home. So here’s what I’ll do:
  1. Log MFP in terms of :house: timing.
  2. Not worry about IFing.
  3. Try to make good decisions even if I’m overeating a bit (like eating protein, sleeping, not mindlessly snacking etc.)
  4. Stay hydrated

#212

Day 86 (No Huel)

Weight: ? was flying

Food Intake: (1860kcal in ~13h, 1589kcal burnt in 16h)

Other Observations:

  • Survived the plane ride! The overeating wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. Hopefully won’t cross 57.5kg. Now to get back into routine the next few days! :slight_smile:
  • Mentally, counting the day in MFP as part of the new time zone’s calories worked for me. So did staying hydrated and eating the low fat meal etc.
  • Parents said that I looked like I lost weight haha yay

#213

Day 87

Weight: 55.9kg im confused.

Food Intake: (1493kcal in, 1677kcal out)

  • 112g Huel, ChocFS i can definitely see Huel as part of my home routine
  • 1 red bean DPlus bun (235kcal)
  • 20g ovomaltine crunchy cream (109kcal)
  • cs bread
  • 100g baked salmon
  • 3 egg whites w nooch
  • Dinner—100g broccoli, 136g edible oily chicken thighs

Other Observations:

  • 55.9kg??? I was preparing myself for 57.5kg lol. Feeling bloated, and it’s 2 days to period! Also I coulda sworn I’ve overeaten?? I’m convinced that either the floor is broken, or gravity is broken here at home LOL. Ah well we’ll see if it lasts.
  • I forgot that I’d have a tendency to be suuuper sedentary today. I was planning to take a walk but I fell asleep for 2h instead #jetlag So yeah I haven’t burnt much. I hope I don’t gain, but I also acknowledge that there’s an adjustment period to a new location again (and surprising that my weight didn’t spike as it usually does). I’ll give myself til next Sunday to settle back into routine here.
  • There’s SO MUCH FOOD and variety at home ahh I forgot how much my mum cooked haha. But it’s ok I’m armed with more ability to resist overeating, it’s time to put it into practice.

#214

Dunno if this is of any interest at this time of the month but I certainly found it so and it’s not even relevant to me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

It goes into the details of female hormones and metabolism increases during the whole month of a female cycle.


#215

Day 88

Weight: 55.6kg can it really be??? didn’t exercise at all yesterday

Food Intake: (1380kcal in)

  • 90g Huel + 15g strawberry whey
  • ~160g baked salmon
  • 1 tortang talong w ketchup
  • 1/2 lemon protein bar
  • 1 Vanilla Powerplus protein bar (133kcal)
  • 106g chicken slices
  • 34g 1 small chocolate roll bun & 34g 1 slice red bean Hokkaido bread

Exercise: (3152kcal out)

  • Gym workout
  • Beach ultimate frisbee
  • A lot of walking (22394 steps)

Other Observations:

  • I’m feeling SO BLOATED I hate it :< It’s very easy to mistake it for feeling fat or looking fat sigh my stomach’s protruding out. I would’ve accepted my weight having bounced back to 58kg even since ughhh. A good indicator that sometimes, the scale is more objective than “how you feel”, because I feel FAT ASFCK but apparently I’ve lost some weight?
  • Who knows, 55kg could just be in my reach by mid/20th July!
  • Shizzzz this is the largest deficit I’ve had, ever. Almost 1800kcal lmao, didn’t even think it was possible. It seems I’ve burnt even more than the day I had frisbee for 6h, and the day I walked ~25000 steps but burnt around 2500kcal. Strength training definitely burns calories + the afterburn.
  • ED: I can’t help but feel kinda proud I ate only 1380kcal. And happy I was so active today (3152kcal is literally the most I’ve ever burned). Please remind me again why having too large a deficit is bad!!! Yeah I need to remind myself that what I’m looking for is a sustainable long term lifestyle, not a quick fix where I burn out and give up. I don’t want my metabolism to adjust to eating less. I don’t want to have binge cravings from too large a deficit. I don’t actually want too quick a weight loss, because I believe that the longer it takes to come off, the longer it’ll stay off. I don’t want to feel forced to exercise everyday and be unable to chill without being distressed.
  • Plan: I’m going to aim for around 1500+kcal while being as active as I can. I don’t NEED to exercise everyday , nor chide myself when I don’t. But for now yeah, I can be happy that I stuck to IF, ate my Huel, ate whatever I felt like within the window, and did exercises that really did make me feel GOOD.
  • For some reason I really had no appetite today idk maybe it’s the bloating.

@GTIPuG ahhh I love that guy! He’s hilarious hahaha (especially in all his way-too-much swearing videos xD) but yeah, very informative thanks! Makes a LOT of sense too, especially the chocolate and carb cravings and water retention. ((Lowkey envious of your stable testosterone))


#216

Day 89

Weight: 55.9kg wouldve freaked out last time being like omg I could’ve sworn I ate so little and exercised a lot what am I doing wrong??? and proceed to cut more calories…but now I know better. My weight’s stabilising around 56 before going down, and I know I’m doing everything right. I just need to be patient (which is lowkey annoying bc I really wanna hit 55 at least once by mid July!)

Food Intake: [1693kcal in]

  • 2/3 of (100g Huel, 3g MatchaFS)
  • ~100+g kaya brioche bread did I mention I am ADDICTED to soft bread?
  • broccoli
  • 11 pieces 7g scallop sashimi dat proteinz
  • Friend’s Hari Raya Celebration—a bit of chicken soup, 1 drumette, 2 small cookies
  • Movie Snacks—2 Oreo thins, 1 digestive thin, 1 packet seaweed, 1/2 layenberger lemon protein bar
  • Dinner—1/3 Huel bar, ~68g brioche eat&cs, 148g scallop sashimi

Activity: [2061kcal out]

  • 14010 steps (walking from CityHall to Shaw) (dance recap)

Other Observations:

  • Chest aching from benchpress, thighs aching from squats/sand running
  • Ngl q worried because I have no idea what to expect from the celebration. And it’s centred around food. Almost backed out because it’s a surefire way to consume less calories. But NO it’s an honour to be invited to their cultural Malay celebration; and recovery is all about being able to attend social events and not reject it to lose weight! (Not saying that I won’t be choosy with which events I may overeat at)
  • +impromptu movie & ??? with my bestie whom I haven’t seen in like half a year!! We’ve always been huge foodies together. Also won’t have time (or muscle capacity) to gym, so I’ll just take it as it comes, eat as much protein, walk as much as possible, eat chewing gum at the theatre. Worst comes to worst, I’ll just say I’m rly full from the celebration (which may well be true), and I’ll try to stop eating by 9pm (the show is until 8.30 I think)
  • Dinner…was a bit messy. So my bestie ate before the movie and I thought we were gonna have dinner after. But I was p hungry during the movie so I snacked a bunch (thank goodness for my fantastic plan-ahead Snacks). Ate my remaining Huel bar after. Had decided I wasn’t gonna eat below 1500kcal today for my mental health, so I ditched IF for today (ended at 10.35pm) Was still kinda hungry so I made a slight bad impulse decision of getting and demolishing really good bread from Miranda. Went back home and ate ~150g of scallop sashimi.
  • I’ve started being able to shift my meets with friends from being centered solely around food and drinks and calories, to being more active! Gymming and taking long walks etc :’) taking long walks is especially great when you have a Fitbit LOL.
  • I think the old adage is true: it’s really around 12 weeks (3+ months in my case) where people start to notice some weight lost! Not drastically so but still.
  • I’m still eating whatever I feel like, and whatever I want; just, not all at once.
  • BMs still not adjusted to this time zone to be regular yet.
  • I’m feeling the hunger more and earlier than I usually do. Could be the larger-than-usual caloric deficit from yesterday.

#217

I’m just going to jump right in to your meditation question, even though it wasn’t me who suggested it. Here’s an easy little Starter-For-Ten for you… :sunglasses:

  1. Sit comfortably. Cross-legged on the floor or on a cushion on the floor is fine, and so is on a firm chair with your legs uncrossed and feet flat on the floor. Keep your back straight and your chin down just slightly. You can have your hands on your knees, or comfortably in your lap. If you need to shift position during your session, just do it - no harm done!

  2. Close your eyes - minimises distractions.

  3. Take two or three deep breathes, and drop into your body. Become aware of your position, of the places where your body touches the ground or the chair, any little aches or pains you feel. Nothing to do here - just be aware.

  4. Set an intention. Deep clarity and awareness is a good one to start with.

  5. Now, breathing naturally through your nose, focus on your breathe as it passes over your top lip. Just breathe as you do normally, except place your awareness on your top lip, and feel each breath, in and out, in and out. Thoughts will crop up, all the time! Don’t worry about them. If you can visualise, see your meditating mind as a vast blue sky, and see thoughts as just clouds passing over. Or you can see them as soap bubbles you can pop. Either way, they don’t matter, don’t impact on your session, just pop them, or watch them drift away. Just don’t let any of them pull you in for any length of time. And even if that does happen, worry not - just return to the breath and let the thought go.

  6. Start with just doing this for 2 minutes. Then, gradually build up to wherever you can, depending on your schedule for the delay. A good session is 15 minutes plus, but don’t be in any rush to get there.

  7. To finish, bring your hands up together in front of your face, in the praying position, and give a little bow of thanks and recognition to your Higher Self, your Greatness. If you can. sit for a further minute or so and just savour the feelings you’ve created in yourself. Enjoy. Then, jump up and get on with your day!

It doesn’t sound much (it’s not) and it sounds simple (it is) but the impact can be tremendous…


#218

Day 90

Weight: 55.8kg ayyy it’s stablising! seems like 55.9 wasn’t much of a fluke :slight_smile: can only really tell with time, with these things

Food Intake: (~1622kcal in)

  • 90g Huel + 20g Mocha Whey
  • 25g MatchaFS Huel mixed this with some mocha whey for convenience, and it tasted like a nice matcha latte hahaha
  • Samples—1 tablespoon Oreo soft serve, 3x egg yolk fish skin, 2 pea chips, 2 konjac
  • 1 Kueh Ambon
  • 60g chicken slices
  • 1/2 Auntie Anne’s cinnamon sugar pretzel :pretzel:
  • Dinner—2 Mama Patisserie buns

Activity: (@FF TC, 3210kcal out)

  • 1h Cardio Step class
  • 1/2h circuit (45s:10s, 5 stations, 3 rounds)
  • 1h Bodycombat
  • 45min BodyJam i cut the class because I got too tired and stopped concentrating, and the point is to enjoy myself

Other Observations:

  • Food & Exercise: My perception of the relationship between food and exercise has been a very strange one.
  1. 2011 (13): I have no time to exercise, so I’ll just cut calories.
  2. 2012 (14): I’m going to run and swim everyday in addition to cutting cals since I’m a small person and need a bigger deficit.
  3. 2013 (15): Gym classes, bc activity
  4. 2014-2015 (16-17): The occasional gym class; binging like crazy.
  5. 2015-2016 (17-18): Acknowldege Bulimia, scared to shift to the over-exercising sector of compensation. Disallowed from counting calories. Separating exercise and food.
  6. 2016-2017 (18-19): Shaun T & BBG pretty hardcore everyday. Exercise to build muscle and to feel good and strong, instead of to lose weight. Learned that I deserve to eat regardless of exercise. Still unable to count calories without being triggered (and started purging), so I didn’t lose much weight despite vigorous exercise.
  7. 2018 (20): And now…it’s a bit convoluted. I exercise because I like being active. Because I like the way my muscles start to feel and look. Because being able to lift weights is cool and an ego booster, AND helps me carry my luggage and be functional and be better at sports. I really do wanna be better at sports and to be able to pick things up quickly because I have good muscle control. (Dance, ultimate, MMA) Because being fit has become a bit of my identity. I exercise because I just enjoy it really haha especially now im realizing it doesn’t have to be hell. The link to food—I exercise to burn more calories. Not in a “cycle hard to burn off this ice cream!” sense (I abhor it when people say this), because it’s way easier to just not eat the ice cream than to run for an hour. But just increasing my caloric deficit if possible, WHILE remaining consistent in my eating. I’m not using these as intertwined mechanisms (directly proportional), because I realize how much better in the long run it is to be consistent (i.e. Creating a routine of eating ~1500kcal/day). Nonetheless, on days I know I’ll eat more, I try to walk more; or days I drink alcohol, I try to party it up and go all out. ((Shaky ED ground I suppose but we’ll see.)) The Fitbit just helps me see very clearly my CICO, and thanks to that Godsent friend of mine, I’ve discovered the CICO chart and I really don’t like seeing red bars in the chart :joy:
  • I’m honestly glad at how far I’ve come. For the first time, I have a consistent method to lose weight gradually that ACTUALLY WORKS. I can’t tell you how many “before” pictures I’ve taken, only to have it become a slideshow of me getting fatter :joy: I mean, the ED definitely prolonged my journey of being able to do this healthily. And now, ~5.5kg loss in, I can’t believe I can finally actually call this a weight loss journey! :stuck_out_tongue: I remember first starting out, seeing “0.2kg lost” and being like lol I’m just gonna easily gain that back by a bit of overeating. But nope; I know for a fact I’m not just going to gain back that 5.5kg I’ve worked so hard to lose, overnight. I may gain 1kg of fat&water after overeating or a binge, but 5.5kg? That’s gotta be a bunch of fat lost for sure.
  • I’m going to have my psychologist appointment this afternoon! The last i talked to her, I was one month into Huel and was excitedly explaining it to her. Will update!
  • Update: Saw my psychologist; she’s basically very happy with my progress (that I’m taking time to think and plan ahead, am being flexible etc, and gave me some answers and solutions re: home situation & exercise.) Its good to have professional assurance that I’m on the right track! ALSO, I raved about Huel, and she wants me to bring some for her to try! She said that sometimes when she works through the day from 10-4, she’s unable to get adequate nutrients in and starts craving junk or snacks HAHAHAH GO HUEL!!! :smile: From what I said, she dubs it “The Magical Shake” — alternative advertisement ideas??? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
  • Exercise: I’m really enjoying exercising! It’s actually really fun pushing yourself because you can, and because you want to be the best version of yourselves, vs punishing yourself because you don’t feel like you’re worth anything. :’) And fuelling myself properly…it’s actually so much easier HAHA. I was actually so sleepy and was reconsidering (only very briefly) gymming, but I honestly do look forward instead of dread it. It’s also an awesome ego boost when the Trainers notice “that girl is so fast/agile/hardcore” heheh.
  • As with food but opposite, I don’t think “the more the better”. I want consistency. I want to come out from each exercise sesh having had a great session and wanting to repeat that, not dreading going back to the gym. I could’ve made myself go for 5-6 classes, but nah I’m enjoying myself a with 4 :slight_smile:
  • As with boys, I’m realising that I’m starting to be a lot more selective with food! Like I’m not just clamouring for it because I’m desperate and scared there’ll never be another. I’m able to reject samples I don’t want, not buy an entire shop of bread (I visited the same bakery I went to during ED, and even though I bought 6 buns, I bought about 20 back then. I kid you not. I went there 2 years ago and the seller still remembers me.), and not consume the entirety of everything I get. Tbh I’ll be more than content with a bite.
  • Eating: I’ve eaten a LOT of carbs today. Did I crave it? No, not really. Having eaten my lunch Huel, I could’ve easily not eaten the many sweets and snacks I’ve had during the afternoon. Kueh ambon, samples, pretzel, bakery buns. BUT I know this is purely nostalgic. I didn’t need that food, but I WANTED it, because I wanted the emotional association of homeliness and familiarity I had with my favourites home foods. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay, too! I tracked it as part of my intake, and sure it was a little high in carbs, but I’m working out quite a bit today and it’s good fuel :slight_smile: Yes, food can be enjoyed while losing weight! :smiley:
  • Oh and unless I’ve counted wrongly, it still falls under a caloric deficit! Which feels really weird because it feels like I’m constantly eating haha what even?! How is this possible.
  • I definitely have a lot of room to work on to improve my Resistance and Strength training. But for this week or two, I’ll just do exercises I feel like, and just be active in general.

#219

Day 91

Weight: 55.8kg

Food Intake: (2282kcal in)

  • Huel berry smoothie—115g berries, 15g strawberry whey, 75g Huel, ice
  • a SHIT TON OF BREAD & cs
  • 35g super ring
  • 15g cheese balls
  • 25g ovomaltine spread
  • ~1/2 steamed seabass
  • Dinner—33g 3 cherry tomatoes, 35g chicken, 2.5 slices meat, bean sprouts w sesame sauce, 2 egg whites w nooch
  • Binge—~70g bread filling, eat&cs 2 dayplus buns, cs 20 dark choc digestive thins

Activity: (2183kcal out)

  • 10km trek/jog/run w dad @ Reservoir

Other Observations:

  • 2.11pm: Its been 2h and I’ve consumed about 1200kcal. Note to self—a large caloric deficit gives me binge urges the next day (like when I used to binge and fast and binge and fast…a pattern I do NOT want to get into again.)
  • 9.38pm: I had another episode in the evening where I kinda binged :confused: I was fully intending not to: I ate high protein and lower calorie food for dinner because I basically ate 1450kcal before 3.30pm…and then I ended up lowkey binging on bread to “get rid of it”. Although it sucked being in that zombie-binge state, I told myself to stop at 8pm, and I (mostly) did. It’s never too late to turn things around. Will most likely gain tmr but we’ll see. I can always get back on track. Perhaps it’s good to have several days without planning meals out.
  • I don’t quite know how to handle bread. It’s my favourite food from home ever, and I guess I’m trying to eat it before I go back to the UK and can’t have it(?). BUT I think subconsciously it’s something I don’t feel allowed to have because of the high calories, or not worth the full amounts of calories. I guess I can eat 1/2 as a snack and some as dinner carbs since I already have Huel carbs haha.
  • For future reference: Don’t let my caloric surplus go past 1000kcal (I.e. 2000kcal if burn 3000, but otherwise 1500ish.) Binge urges get p cray that way.

#220

Hey Chris

I just started my Huel journey last week and got to say- love your posts. Super funny and real so thanks :slight_smile:

Well done on overcoming your ED- I know what its like to binge all too well so great that youre being so conscious of it!!

Looking forward to future posts


#221

Day 92

Weight: 56.1kg kinda expected since binging & havent had a proper BM in 4 days…

Food Intake: (1413kcal in)

  • 112g Huel, ChocFS
  • 4 egg whites w 10g nooch + stir fried broccoli :broccoli: + 1/2 tube egg tofu w oyster sauce & 8g pork floss + 208g raw pumpkin w 10g sesame sauce
  • 111g blueberries
  • 15 cheese balls & 10 super rings
  • 7 butterfingers
  • 1 packet chocolate teddy biscuits
  • 26g ovomaltine spread

Activity: (1964kcal out)

  • 1h Hip Hop class

Other Observations:

  • ffs why can’t I just hit 55kg soon :((((( I feel a bit of the time pressure haha since I have 13 days before I leave to Hong Kong where I will most definitely gain a kg or 2 >< (although I’ll still try to get a lot of walking and activity in)
  • Ugh I’ll just try to focus on getting a good home routine in. I haven’t yet adjusted to a stable routine because I keep having to go out with friends or check gyms out.
  • Life Hack: ICE BLEND YOUR HUEL OMG it makes it like 1.5x the volume without diluting it much, and is absolutely PERFECT for summer! It reminds me a bit of Frappuccinos I used to enjoy from Starbucks :stuck_out_tongue:

@Watsername aww that’s so sweet of you! I wouldn’t say I’ve overcome it yet, but hey 85% ain’t too bad xD


#222

85% is fantastic and apologies i’m sure its not something you can overcome so easily and you should be so proud of your progress.


#223

Day 93

Weight: 55.6kg

Food Intake: (1544kcal in)

  • 92g Huel, 20g mocha whey
  • Snacks & Sweets—6 butterfingers, 1 blueberry dplus bun, 1 packet veggie crackers, 1 pan fried salmon skin
  • Dinner—141g broccoli :broccoli: w 100g enoki mushroom + 160g pumpkin w 5g sesame sauce + 179g bulla cottage cheese

Activity: (1995kcal out)

  • 1h Krav Maga “Release from Grabs”
  • 11 467 steps

Other Observations:

  • I’m still really bloated…can’t tell if it’s water retention because my TOM hasn’t come yet (probably stress from adjusting to a new timezone? Idk if that’s a thing)
  • Update: Apparently jet lag messes with female hormone levels and a late TOM is expected. Who knew!
  • Halp I feel like I look even fatter than I was at 61kg!! How can this be I’m at least 5kg lighter :<
  • I’ve felt full the entire day…is it just because I’m eating high protein and voluminous foods??? Or am I overeating agh.
  • I suppose one reason (apart from hormones) my body isn’t comfortably losing fat at the regular pace it was is also because I’ve been seeking out home food that brings me nostalgia. And also that this home situation is where the ED first started, and a lot of food habits are reminiscent to back then. I’m nearly done with my nostalgia list though, and this time it was a lot shorter than last time haha. (Teddies, cheese balls, Super ring, mama bread, dplus bread, Mirana bakery bread, veggie crackers) (remaining: Bao, Yamazaki, Liusha) BUT I’ve also discovered what foods can comfortably make it into my routine at home, so that’s good.
  • Going out for dinner nearly everyday next week ahh. Gonna make good choices and balanced meals though! (Teppei, caifan, Nassim Hill, T&T?)
  • HOME HAS SUCH AMAZING BREAD AHHHH AMAZING BREAD EVERYWHERE YOU TURN UK pls follow suit so I don’t feel deprived :sob::sob:
  • I’ll have a month in August where I’d have met up with nearly everyone already, and can start having a very very regular schedule of dance and food. Of course I’ll still eat bread but it’ll be a part of my normal diet.
  • Not IFing tomorrow as imma club with a Friend!
  • I now remember why I want to be strong. Went for the Krav Maga class, and it’s so much easier to hold someone down or get out of a chokehold if you’re strong!!! Yahs this is why I should strength train more and cardio isn’t everything.
  • 3.48am: I’ve spent the last 2h fretting about food and trying to plan and soothe my mind…it’s so difficult because I have events basically every night for the next 1+ weeks, then I’m going to Hong Kong (food paradise), then I’m going to China (unknown food routine), Hong Kong again, then back home. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it’s so stressful ugh I just really need routine again.