Yes, I too had a bit of a bread habit in the past, but I probably eat 3 loaves a year these days. If I buy one it goes straight in the freezer cos I know I’ll never use it all before it goes stale otherwise. It used to make me really sleepy, but I did love me a salad sandwich.
I used to like crisp sandwiches… And vegan cheese toasties with onion and chilli sauce. Like you I probably only eat a few loaves a year now…and more often it will be a pitta bread rather than slices from a loaf of bread.
Food Intake: (1392kcal in)
- 3 Huel pancakes w Hueltella
- 20g Huel granola
- 60g Huel granola
- 112g Huel, rhubarb FS
Activity: (2493kcal out)
- 1h dance
- a lot of walking
- 99% HUEL IS SO FILLING ermagerd. I was peckish after my pancakes (easily sated by drinking some Huel), but honestly I was SO FULL at 8pm having only had less than 1200kcal of Huel (granola and all).
- Temptation—there was a point where I considered sneaking in a cheesecake sample as my “1%” of nonHuel but it was very brief. Nope, that 1% is for Huel recipes like an egg or some milk or flavouring LOL.
- I decided that it was more important to eat more than 1350kcal and have not a huge caloric deficit which always messes me up a bit, than to stick to a 8h IF. Had a 9.5h IF instead.
- I can actually see myself going Huel for a longer period of time (if not for all my lunch dates Everyday for the next week…), but the adjustment period for the first 2 days is rougher.
- HUEL PANCAKES ARE FAAAAAB!!! Consistency wise a bit wet in the middle but ehh I really like it.
Yes, the chocolate spread is made out of Huel
Weight: 53.2kg lowkey annoyed that it wasn’t lower, but I’m also glad that it’s not positive feedback for having a 1000kcal deficit.
Food Intake: (1350kcal)
- NewHuel pancakes again hehe (there were 8 but I ate 3 while waiting for the rest to cook)
- 1/2 Huel, 15g Milo couldnt really taste the Milo.
- 20g Huel granola
- 80g Huel granola
- 112g Huel, Pineapple FS
Activity: (2405kcal out)
- ultimate frisbee for 3ish hours
- Got a lil bingey on the granola… it’s annoying bc I have this food haze that I go into sometimes where it’s like a broken record stuck on repeat. Going back repeatedly to get more granola straight up for an hour. Like a machine with no prefrontal cortex.
- THE RETURN OF THE HUEL FARTS.
- Some Huel Love: I’m honestly just so impressed at Huel satiating factor. I’d planned to eat either a full Huel bar (1600kcal total) or 1/3rd (1433kcal) but I was too full and didn’t need it. Similar to yesterday. It also reminds me once again what convenience Huel brings—I wanted to play ultimate frisbee today (7.30pm) and basically didn’t have time to fit in dinner…so I just drank my Huel in sips as I went along
- There are times where I feel drinking an entire meal of Huel makes me way too bloated and full which isn’t ideal for exercising after.
- My energy levels for exercising were great! Even while sleep deprived (I’m noticing that even if I feel tired, making it a part of my routine gets me out of the house and moving…which makes me forget I’m tired for a while), someone commented at ultimate that I’m like “a little Energizer bunny” LOL
- 1.50am: usual hunger grumblings
- Moving on: Honestly…after doing 3 days of Huel pretty effortlessly I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to do it more. It’s given me what I wanted: a predictable schedule (the rest of my life fell into place along with it), non-estimated calories, a break from the bread binging, a reversal of the 4-day upward weight trend. Tbh I wanna do it til I get bored of Huel but well, social events call. I COULD use my tonsils as an excuse, but I think I don’t wanna stretch it too far, plus sharing meals with friends IS enjoyable. It’s also very nice knowing that it isn’t difficult to go back to 100% Huel any time I wish to, and it DOES still give me multiple benefits.
- I like that at home, my family is so used to me doing weird shit with food and experimenting that they don’t even really bother commenting on my Huel hahaha
- I’m excited to incorporate more Huel days into my life! This was the first time I’ve 100% Hueled since the 1 week Huexperiment, and it feels great.
- For the next 1.5 weeks, I literally have either lunch dates or potential dinner dates with friends which is lowkey pretty stressful but I CAN MANAGE THIS. The habits I’ve built are so ingrained that many of them just occur subconsciously—I stick by my 12-8, I track MFP and try to keep it round 1500, I drink water.
- Cravings: while Hueling, I kinda missed home cooked food. Since my brothers are back, my mum has been making delicious dishes like the Soto Ayam (chicken soup) and Rendang that smelled fantastic at lunch. It wasn’t difficult to not eat them—it just briefly crossed my mind—but I DO want to eat those dishes for pleasure and nostalgia. Also I like chicken. There were a couple of times where I wanted my DPlus buns, hanjuku eggs, and ovomaltine spread. I’m curious what the Gula Melaka dessert tastes like. I lowkey wanted sushi and unagi from RollieOllie…but I’m glad I didn’t because that shit cost like $14. I didn’t actually miss fruits because I think Huel already gives me the sweetness I crave. But yeah aside from the above, I’m surprised I didn’t actually feel tempted to un-Huel.
- Socially, I didn’t feel very out of place drinking my Huel (had it twice with friends during meals), in my stylish thermos flask.
- Tomorrow: I’m having Korean for lunch with friends tomorrow. It should be relatively healthy and balanced, but the unknown cals are a little annoying. Aside from a piece of bread I want to try, I’m going to make sure the rest of the day is all Huel’d up (a Huel shake and granola and/or bar), because I don’t want to deviate too far from this stable schedule.
Hey Chris, glad to hear you are better from your tonsil trouble & getting back on an even keel with your plan, binge triggers like the bread are a nightmare… Cereal was one of my big ones, I’d eat several big bowls a day & it could easily set me off into wanting all sorts of other snack food & blow any intentions I had of being sensible. I eventually stopped having it completely for a long time & now it’s something I treat myself to a couple of times a year, like at Xmas when all bets are off for healthy eating anyway! I’m sure I’d be the same about bread if it wasn’t for the fact it gives me such bad stomach ache & bloating if I eat a lot of it in a short period!
I’ve upped my huel intake from 1 scoop a day to 2 & now to 4 (2x 2 scoop shakes) & its working out great for me so far, will be reading your continued experiments with more huel in your life with interest! I was a bit worried to read the posts like gtipug highlighted where you were really poorly… So pleased you are well on the mend now
Weight: 53.0kg I know it may go up a bit tmr since I’m gonna be eating outside food which usually has more food weight than Huel
Food Intake: (1779kcal in)
- Lunch—Steamed egg & 1 small fried chicken piece
- Snacks—60g Huel granola, 1 mini French bread roll, 6 bites Soto Ayam
- 3 mini Godiva pretzels, 1 cornflakes rittersport
- Dinner—1/3 Huel bar, 200g cottage cheese
- Post dance—2 wafer rolls, 2 Oreo tiramisu thins, 2 hanjuku eggs
Activity: (2220kcal out)
- 1h dance
- Aaaaaand I messed up lmao I made my Huel and even decanted it into my thermos flask…only to leave it on the counter :’( Ah well life goes on; I am no longer a slave to streaks, so I can always do my best to go more Huel when life permits. Got my handy Huel bar & granola still though!
- SO TRAGIC turns out I only have 1/3rd a Huel bar LMAO ah well it’s a good test of how well I deal with unforeseen circumstances. Have been craving chocolate and am really exhausted (Huexhaution? Felt a similar brain fog on 100% but it could’ve been my ongoing problematic tonsils) despite having 8h of sleep so ugh.
- BMs have been very regular, as have wake times
- I broke IF today (finished eating at 9.45pm) because idk, I was very thrown off kilter by having forgotten my Huel I also kinda overate over my 1500+kcal, and had a hankering for chocolate…period is probably coming soon.
- I’m starting to naturally incorporate walking a lot more and taking the stairs into my regular routine!
How’s your sodium intake? The average diet is higher in salt than Huel is, and tiredness and brain fog can be a symptom of lower sodium intake. It may be worth adding a pinch of salt to your shakes to see if this helps.
i absolutly love cheese and onion crisp sandwiches. never seen anyone else who eats crisp sandwiches
Someone loves them so much they wrote a blog: https://blog.britishcornershop.co.uk/2015/01/the-ultimate-guide-to-crisps-sandwiches/
That’s another thing they gotta have cheap white fluffy bread…even though I’d never eat white bread otherwise…just not the same with good quality wholemeal et.c bread. They really are junk food…probably why they test so good.
Weight: 53.8kg the jump was bigger than expected…and also annoying because I’ve been in a consistent deficit. A sizeable one too. Oh well I’ll just keep at it.
Food Intake: (3000kcal at least)
- Huel, MochaFS
- 200g Vietnamese chicken, chicken, 111g veggies @venusfly I guess you may be right, I was going full out binge mode on chicken and veggies…!!
- 4 packets crackers, halva bar, glutinous rice, 1 cookie, 3 wafer rolls, 4 Oreo thins
- 30g ovomaltine spread, chocolate chips, 2 Oreo thins
- 1.75 dayplus buns
- 3 dried beef
- Saba fish
- 100+g B&J ice cream
- 250+g yam ice cream
Activity: (2370kcal out)
- 1h gym
- walk home
- Today may have been one of the worst. Binged. Purged. Binged. Purged. Nearly binged again… sigh maybe I should just go back to Huel as much as possible
- Possible reasons: Lack of sleep (4h), unpredictable plans today, AND tomorrow, impending period, un-full Huel, plans getting ruined, my bro eating my food without my permission, freaking out about having lunches out Everyday for the next week, having been uncomfortably shot out of my 3 day Huel because I forgot my Huel etc.
- Sigh: I’d thought I put binge eating behind me but apPARENTLY… anyway. My thoughts were pretty haphazard, but unlike the previous binge episode where my brain was screaming at me to stop and I didn’t, it kinda felt like I just didn’t have the energy to fight it. I’ll write several thoughts that stood out to me throughout the day—
- Purging because I was uncomfortably full, and had eaten over my calories. Purged so I could have another shot at eating a balanced meal for the rest of the day instead of “starting tomorrow”. Purged bc I didn’t want to accept the disgustingly high amount of calories I’d consumed, to stay in my body. Purged bc (TRIGGER WARNING ) ice cream is a purge trigger for me and way too easy.
- Binging again after because I felt kinda empty and didn’t know how to regulate my next meals…so may as well eat everything tasty. Also binged because it was like my muscles were set on Repeat Motion…I just couldn’t stop the action of eating.
- Eating home cooked food because I do like home meals. Being very uncomfortable about the unknown calories.
- Just generally panicking about all the unknown plans of the day… I hate how ED makes me cancel my plans and ditch my friends sigh.
- Did Well:
- Still IF’d from 12-6.37pm. Was tempted to break it when I came back from the gym and just have a full out binge sesh but decided against it. I am worth it.
- I didn’t have the same helpless distressed ED thoughts I did the last time, although i still felt pretty helpless in stoping the binges. Not enough mental or emotional energy, I’d describe it as.
- I didn’t eat bakery buns!!! This is HUGE for me Trust me, I was tempted. Bread is usually my binge food of choice since I LOVE it and the calories are sky high so it’s tougher to fit into my regular diet. But I didn’t eat it!!! Because I tried my best to stay true to “just because you blow one goal doesn’t mean you have to blow the rest too”. None of those buns til 12/9
- As odd as it is, I didn’t eat my Nutella B-Ready bar even on a binge rampage, since I didn’t think I’d enjoy it at that point in time.
- Huel: A coupla things I gotta discuss with my psychologist when I see her on Monday (these 3 binging episodes remind me why I still need to see her regularly because I can easily backslide). My mind has started to view non-Huel foods as evil(???) someone please help me be more objective with this
- Exercise: I’m quite pleased with this aspect, at least.
- I went to the gym because I remembered how it cleared my head and made me feel better. It also broke the cycle of binging. I took this as a step of same-day self care.
- Might as well put that extra calories and glycogen to good use and build muscle and fuel my workout.
- I GOT NEW BLUETOOTH EARPHONES and oh man it makes the workout experience 100x better even in a crowded gym :’)
- I walked home not exactly to “burn off more calories” but because I could. And I’m starting to really enjoy walks—I’m finding that I think a lot better while walking somewhat endlessly (on a treadmill too); it helps me reflect on the day when I can’t journal. Distances don’t seem so far any more.
- Psych Topics:
- Categorising foods into safe and not safe
- The binge broken-record mechanical movement (shoveling piece after piece after piece and being unable to stop)
- Figuring out why I’m binging
- Weight loss. Where to stop.
- Unknown calories.
- I’m not sure what to write for moving on. I need more sleep, that much is clear. I’m exhausted.
Girl!! Stop being so hard on yourself… I think your system will still be a bit messed up from being so ill with your tonsils & then having surgery, even if only minor… Reading over the last couple of weeks of your journal, especially with the sashimi you had at the family buffet - it seems to me like your body is crying out for extra protein & ‘real food’ to help you recover, cos sashimi ain’t a typical binge food, so it seems like you really needed that & maybe you still do need some extra protein/nutrition from real food. Also as you have identified, hormones because your period is due will have kicked the urge to binge into high gear, as they often bloody do for us ladies - whether you have an ED background or not! It’s always harder to handle emotions at that time of the month too, so hang in there, tomorrow is another day, you will be back nailing it once mother nature cuts you some slack… in the meantime be kind to yourself - like you said in one of your previous posts, don’t wait until tomorrow to do that, be kind to yourself today.
My inbox is always open if you want to chat as well. Take care of yoself!!! Some of us on here live for your long ass posts everyday!
Food Intake: (2956kcal in at least)
- 112g Huel, MatchaFS
- 45g Huel granola
- 2.5 bowls of cabbage soup w pork
- 50g pan fried salmon
- 1.3 dayplus bun
- 1/2 putu ayu
- a shit ton of binge food — bread, palmier, 45g ovomaltine, 1 Nutella bready, 3 corn things, 3 packets biscuits, 180g b&j cookie dough, crackers, 4 wafer roll packets, chocolate cookie thing
Activity: (1783kcal out)
- This is getting out of hand. I’m starting to regularly binge…and purge. My demons are flooding back. It got so distressing I wanted to self harm again to remind myself how much internal pain I’m in, since there isn’t really external evidence. It’s an invisible illness. I haven’t self harmed in months.
- To you guys out there who read my journal: I’m sorry it’s so brutally honest and honestly I’m probably over sharing things people don’t want to read. I know it must be a bit uncomfortable(?) I must say I am curious though, especially those of you who don’t have much experience with mental illnesses…what are your thoughts actually? I guess a part of me is hoping that reading the inner processes of my warped mind is somewhat informative and not too disturbing? Ahaha.
- Binging was psychologically numbing. As was purging. In the moment, the world felt simple and peaceful; there was only one goal: to stuff my face, and to get rid of it.
- The Sequence & Thought Process: I was doing not bad til night time. Ate a little more than I should’ve after lunch, but manageable. Had a lil cs binge haze. Didn’t have a big snack, ate Huel granola. Walked 4km to my dad’s. Went back to have a good dinner of veggies, soup and salmon. Brain went into binge mode (on veggies!!). Saw homemade bread and cs binged. Thought “it’s past 8pm anyway might as well do 9pm.” Then 9.30pm. Then 10pm. Then 10.10pm. (just like my procrastinated bedtime oops) Craved chocolate and ate ovomaltine (“my calories are busted anyways, what 100 calories more in relation to the 1000kcal surplus?”). Ate Nutella b-ready (“this is portion controlled unlike the spread”). Felt peckish, ate 3 puffed corns (“at least this is 30kcal per piece”). Ate milk cookie thins (“I like the taste and the mechanical action of eating biscuit after biscuit” “I’ve blown my calories, so I should continue to stuff myself so I feel so guilty and uncomfortable I have no choice but to purge.”). I was stuffed, so I decided to eat some ice cream to purge easier. Ended up eating the entire tub of Ben&Jerry’s, I probably got less out than I’d eaten in ice cream. “I’m feeling stuffed so I have to purge and get as many calories + food out as I can”
- aaaaaaaaand there you have it, several thoughts during a binge.
- Psych: Calories I could’ve consumed but didn’t + Finishing.
- I think I need Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I don’t know how to stop myself, I don’t know what to try. I’m this close to going on a crash diet/being extremely strict with myself and cancelling all lunch plans. I feel like I’ve already gained a shit ton of fat. I’m terrified I’m going to put back on all the weight I’ve lost lost and more. I hate the direction I’m going in, because that direction is more binges and more purges. It’s of self hate and unworthiness. It’s of destructive coping mechanisms. I’m scared.
@venusfly I’m a bit emotionally drained atm so it won’t be a long reply but just wanted you to know that I appreciate how supportive you are, I really really do. It pulled me out of the darkness and isolation of b/p-ing, even if just momentarily.
Wow, you’ve had a rough couple of days. My advice would be
Always have a shaker of Huel made up ready in the fridge, so when you feel hungry or just have the urge to eat, you have a healthy option that is easy to stop eating when you’ve had enough. You’re extremely unlikely to binge on Huel.
Try to have as little food around that you tend to binge on as possible. If it’s not there, you can’t binge on it.
There’s a reason why certain foods, notably those high in fat and sugar are so easy to overeat. The fats and sugars trigger the feel good reward centres in our brain. So don’t blame yourself too much for having problems with these foods.
Dont ever be sorry to be brutal honest about your self and how you feel. If People get set off by it they can stop reading, simple as that. Also you can might even help others in a similar situation by sharing your inner most demons.
When that’s said I have to add though, that reading all this pain you are putting your self through is tough and I’m hoping you soon will have someone you can talk real and honest to, who are able to help and stand by you when you have your darkest moments.
Try to look at the bright side and give your self credit for what you’ve achieved so far and cut your self some slack instead of beating your self up if you fail a little, and try to put the last few days behind you and start a fresh tomorrow
Aw Chris bless you, I just know how absolutely shit & desperate & out of control you can feel during a binge, & you feel ridiculous & shameful & so messed up cos it’s just food & the rest of the world seems to deal with it just fine, so why can’t I? N you feel like you’ll never win with yourself no matter what you do & it’s just horrible. You are so not alone though & actually many people our there, especially women but many men too & people who you would never expect to have issues or lack confidence, also struggle with food & themselves & their body image… The only cure is to apply self love & liberally!!
I know I’m just an Internet stranger whose opinion counts for zip, but I’m proud of you for voicing your struggles on here, I could never have been so open when I was in the grips of it as you are & more power to you for that, & also for continuing to see your psych & have that be a positive part of your recovery cos so many people find it hard to accept that help but you keep working at it & it’s not an easy thing. Much love to you & I hope you feel better soon & up to more rambling again
Food Intake: (1655kcal in)
- Lunch—112g Huel, MatchaFS
- 1 DPlus bun
- 2 loaker mini
- Dinner—sambal stingray, oyster omelette, some noodles, 2 tangyuan
Activity: (1709kcal out)
- I broke the cycle!!! I was gonna go fck it and binge again after an unplanned oily family dinner out, but I took a moment to envision myself eating the binge food and decided it wasn’t going to fulfil me no matter how much I consumed.
- It was difficult, but I consider today a win, and a restart of my being empowered and believing in myself. I realised that in part, I’d subconsciously started having many rules to abide by that overwhelmed me. Instead of sticking by all of them, I wasn’t able to cope with the demands I’d placed on myself and metaphorically flipped the table. Things like daily activity (I started demonizing anything under 2000kcal out); needing some sort of activity and strength nearly everyday; non-Huel foods = bad foods; having to stick to 1500ish calories… these goals aren’t inherently bad, but they didn’t leave enough room for flexibility in life. So what I’m going to do is to refocus: to go back to the drawing board and focus on my simple and achievable goal of IF from 12-8. And a meal of Huel. And no bakery buns for now apart from DPlus (which I should stick to 1 of). Other things like activity (which I will still try to incorporate) will be my periphery goals, and I WILL listen to when my body wants to just rest or do other productive things like studying or playing the violin. Not everything has to be for burning more calories.
- I remember that I don’t want to go to bed full nor starving. I also don’t want to eat til discomfort at any given sitting.
- I can’t tell if I’m bloated or just have gained a lot of fat… my period still hasn’t come UGH and my mood has been pretty trash :<
@Wendy_Shepherd @Penthesilea @VenusFly would write a longer reply but yh emotionally drained. Thanks!! Really helps to put things in perspective, and I WILL continue to be brutally honest definitely hope it helps someone struggling out there! (and sheds light into the disordered mind for neurotypical people)
I got a blender from a discount store for about $30 and it does make a lot of difference. I add some cinnamon and a pinch of nutmeg spices and its tastes quite nice! I sometimes add two tea spoons of coffee for a different flavour (all added original vanilla). I am going to order 1 unsweetened and 1 original vanilla and mix them half and half slowly working towards unsweetened if I can. With a new job involving walking door to door (market research) and using 2 Huels (breakfast and lunch on the go) and adding spicy salads with humus / falafel I have now lost 14 lds in two months. I also hope to do intermittent fasting soon… as had sort of plateaued… Best wishes to all Huelers. PS i like the fact its vegan, no waste, having Huel for lunch keeps me out of cafe and sandwich bars where I might have bread or cake. I am very happy with Huel as part of my road back to wellness. I am diabetic and use the low carb hack (2 scoops of Huel and 1 scoop of half and half dessicated coconut and protein hemp powdeer). Tastes nice!
This is absolutely fantastic news, & the rest of the post, so much kudos to you!! Recovery isn’t never having a bad day, it’s getting over the bad days & getting your balance back, sounds like you are doing this beautifully. I don’t do great with too many rules & regulations on myself either in regard to food & losing weight, I try to keep an eye on the bigger picture of better health & overall wellbeing… Its good to have goals & focus on them but enjoying the journey & process is important too & it sounds like you have identified some good ways up there to make your journey with food & life in general a bit easier & less fraught… So again kudos, you are not as f**ked up (in plain English) as you might fear that you are in low moments, you’ve come up with all these healthy coping mechanisms on the back of a lot of dark thoughts… being intelligent & highly self aware is a curse & a blessing, it can be a strength & it can work against you (over thinking, too self conscious) but today you are resolutely WINNING! ️:trophy:
Food Intake: (1581kcal in)
- Lunch—beef bulgogi, 3/4 bowl rice
- Snacks—1 D2Plus Hokkaido w Raisin bun, 8 duke samples, 1 small bite Chili crab curry puff, 2 hanjuku eggs, 2/3 tin tuna
- Dinner—112g Huel, BananaFS
Activity: (2203kcal out)
- 1h dance class
- 14,242 steps total
- Today was another day done just fine! It’s difficult, but the more days I do right sticking to my core goals, the easier it’ll be.
- Psych appointment went great! I learned 1 main thing from it: The fasting when I had that bout of tonsillitis triggered me re-attaching my self worth to how well I controlled food.