3h of ultimate frisbee! this was so much fun I was sad when it ended. Im not sure if itās the Huel, but I had SO MUCH ENERGY I was literally running everywhere :ā)
14,885 steps total
Other Observations:
Another day in the bag! I got this Itās pretty cool actually: the moment I realised I was going back to my all or nothing mindset and resolved to focus on my core goals (and also get my ass in gear to not be defeated by āhaving binged and Iām so going to relapse Iām never gonna be free from this ED shitholeā)ā¦ those problems essentially dissipated!
Dinner out w Fam @ Old Airport Roadā2 popiah, 7 bites beef noodle, orhluak, black carrot cake, 1 satay, 3 rojak
Activity: (2302kcal out)
1h dance class
14,384 steps total
Other Observations:
Iāve been hovering round the 53-54 range for like 2+ weeks hahaha but ehh itās ok Iāll break it soon enough. Consistency is key, and so is trying my best at every step of the way!
Starting to settle into routine Almost always have a night activity, and I honestly do enjoy the dance and ultimate. Donāt have to force myself to go for it and always get a happy high after I DO get a slight craving for strength training about 1-2x a week.
I almost skipped a lunch meet with all my primary school teachers and friends because I didnāt want to have to eat outside food bc ED and fears but I went!! And ate Huel because everyone else was nearly done anyway (I went late) and I didnāt think it was worth paying $13.50 at a subpar 1 star eatery LOL what a lifesaver Huel.
Also my family suddenly informed me they wanna go out for dinner. Iām not too great with surprise meal plans but I gOT DIS.
8.55pm: Iām feeling all sorts of trash. So many last minute plan changes. I was having a fantastic food day and THEN I was left with 5 minutes of time for dinner with the fam so I shoveled down a shit ton of food without tasting it or thinking rationally like in binge modeā¦and then my Friend cancelled our 1h of dance so I have LESS ACTIVITY and more time to eat food so I ate even more and uGH it all feels so shit. So I purged a bitā¦And it feels wasted because I didnāt even enjoy dinner. I was doing so well!!! Ah well Iāll take this opprtunity to learn that I can NOT rush my food and itās really not worth it because I donāt remember eating the food and I just feel like absolute shit after.
Given your stay in hospital for the tonsillitis, it wouldnāt surprise me if the reason for this hovering is the replenishing of muscle tissue cancelling out the weight loss from deficits.
I seem to have an uncanny ability to shovel down at least 2000 calories in an hour or so. I honestly think Iād have little trouble doing the 10,000kcal challengeā¦
Sigh Iām not completely sure why but I guess I momentarily got really sick of counting calories? It wasnāt like the other binges really; I just kinda wanted to eat the duck drumsticks that were in the fridge, and the steamed assam fish but they didnāt fit my calories and :// sigh Iād even planned out my macros pretty well because I knew I was going out to eat today
And so I ate til I was uncomfortably full and then purged some. uGh.
@IcyElemental ah I didnāt think of that; that could very well be so! I donāt feel as weak as I did a while ago :)) my weight lost from a month ago would now be 1.5kg which is the pace it has been before, so hopefully it means itās somewhat stabilizing :)) thanks for the insight!
Sorry to hear youāve had an off day! My period is due & I ate 3 blueberry muffins this afternoonā¦ My first (2nd & 3rd!) in over a month! I was annoyed with myself that I wanted to eat 3 muffins, but they tasted good & thereās no point beating myself upā¦ Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully soon I will be relieved from hormonal carb binge cravings!
I think Icy has hit the nail on the head that youāve been replacing the muscle you lost when you were illā¦ Thatās what I was trying to get at in previous posts, your body has been thru a bit of an ordeal & needs to recalibrate, thatās why you had an appetite for proteinā¦ & it makes sense that youād be at a plateau with your weight when youāve been recovering from illness & briefly putting your body into starvation modeā¦ Stay consistent, use all your best tactics not to binge & purge, but donāt beat yourself up if it happens, keep trying to imagine & really picture yourself living a life where you feel calm about food & empowered about being in controlā¦ It will get easier. Just keep going!
The incision-in-my-throat excuse, although 2 weeks expired, is working like a charm lmao. But I can Rest In Peace knowing itās not an excuse to bring myself and my body harm but rather to nourish it Also because Iām honestly just lazy to explain Huel every single time.
Busy busy orientation tomorrow!!! Going to be thrown a lil off kilter and schedule, but itās ok!! Itāll be great, too I wonāt be too hard on myself and will just keep trying my best with my 2 core goals in sight.
Iām loving the drink-coffee-upon-waking routine. Satisfied my mental craving for consuming something other than water in the first hour Iām awake. Not actually hungry, just a mental craving.
Bread Binge: I admit that the bread binge stemmed from a bad call on my part. It started with the moment I caved and bought what I justified not to be bakery buns (came out of a supermarket packet), because the texture was amazing. But who was I kidding, it was essentially 2 huge loaves of sweet bakery buns which I binged on. And once I started, I had to get rid of it. I donāt want this to happen again, so I wonāt kid myself and even psyche myself into buying it to eat in āmeasured proportionsā. Iām not there yet, and I can still eat my DPlus bun. But ugh fark I was doing INCREDIBLY well and had 1600ish calories by the end of the dayā¦which I then ruined by consuming 1000+kcal of bread and attempting to purge to not much avail. Bread is a bitch to purge haha tmi.
I will give myself some slack. Iām on a camp, I didnāt know what the food situation would be like, and I really did try my best. Now I know what itās like, Iām gonna do better tomorrow.
Constipated :< felt like going 2 nights ago but noThing
Are you still gymming a fair bit Chris? Or have you laid off?
Just trying to spot trends in your posts over time and align these with what may have changed in your schedule.
I often wondered whether if you gymmed with a proper routine your brain would start focusing and obsessing over that instead of a trivial thing like your bodyweight.
This was the only thing that solved my problems with food and weight and Iām confident that if I stopped my gym routine for more than a few days Iād be back in a dark place looking at the scale.
It also makes gaining weight fun and an achievement - Iāve increased from 78kg to 83kg since my cut, but my lifts have all gone up so when I see a scale increase Iām like WOOOO.
Ups and downs, swings and roundabouts, thatās life if every day was the same youād fall off one end of the scale. Keep doing what youāre doing and donāt overthink it
Weight: 53.6kg ALWAYS bounce back after a binge/the scale has increased. Donāt wait for that 1.4kg jump in scale to actually become fat gained because of the āIāve already gained weight might as well bingeā mindset.
Food Intake: (1856kcal in)
1T coffee
Lunchā
Snacksā
Dinnerā112g Huel, CocoaFS
150g vodka w 500ml Diet Pepsi
Activity: (2290kcal out)
2h Ultimate
Other Observations:
Iām down to my last packet of Huel which has to last me the whole of next month!!! Was originally gonna do a week of Huel (and try to finally reach my 52kg goal), but it looks like that is now going to be impossible. Sadreaxonly Huel y u no ship to Asia?
Sufficient sleep is definitely necessary to reduce and mentally fight binge urges
Aaaaaaand I kinda binged and purged again ahhhhhhhhhhh :< this is so not the way to go sighs
@GTIPuG I still do gym yes, although proper gym routine could be a possible plan for the future. Rn Iām focusing more on dance (I want to learn the skill) and ultimate frisbee, with gym thrown in maybe once or twice a week in addition. But yeah, I see what you mean by not worrying as much about weight increasing especially if you know it means muscle & GAINZ.
30min HIIT with friends (could honestly do more LOL)
Other Observations:
Thereās honestly a lot more I could do to lose weightā¦but I donāt know why Iām just not motivated enough to? Like my drive to restrict always stemmed from body hatred but I donāt hate my body now so I really need to find another source of inspiration lmao.
On this fateful day, my Huel granola ran out :ā( Canāt wait to get my new supply when I get back to the UK!!
Iām starting to feel nearly no inertia when going to workout heheh like I now expect to feel tired and sleepy before, and great during.
Eating healthy and feeling good should be your inspiration
And Im not even sure you need to loose more weight? Bin wise you are spot on, fat% wise obviously I have no clue about though. Maintaining is also an task you need to master and if 54/53 is your ideal weight you are doing great
2 eggs so expensive but I LOVE IT ermagerd itās the only yolk I eat tbh
1 Blueberry Dayplus
Dinnerā6 tofu, 4-6 chicken curry pieces, some beenppn, 2 fish slices, 1 siew mai
Activity: (2246kcal out)
1h PF TRX Blast class i didnāt do this all out tho oops couldāve pushed harder, but i enjoyed it nonetheless
1h Hip Hop class
14,085 steps total
Other Observations:
Itās a new month, itās a renewed energy and belief in myself with which I shall tackle weight loss. Iām gonna go from the no-longer-fat/fat/ phase to ālooking more aestheticā. Iād gotten comfortable and complacent in that phase, but no longer. I got thisssssssss.
VERY GOOD day food-wise! Stuck to my goals; didnāt feel distressed; hung out with people spontaneously; didnāt cs or b/p ONE DAY DOWN, 6 MORE TO GO (Iām committing to this for a week at least)
12+am: a bit of hunger
@Penthesilea hahah true, true, except thatās not a short-term feedback like the instant gratification of tasty food ^^ā Hm true, although I still have a wide berth of 10+kg that I can still lose and be in the healthy weight range! And yeah my BF% still needs work HAHA
Itās pretty cool actually: the moment I realised I was going back to my all or nothing mindset and resolved to focus on my core goals (and also get my ass in gear to not be defeated by āhaving binged and Iām so going to relapse Iām never gonna be free from this ED shitholeā)ā¦ those problems essentially dissipated!
so great to read! High 5 girl! 
Almost always have a night activity, and I honestly do enjoy the dance and ultimate. Donāt have to force myself to go for it and always get a happy high after 
Ah well Iāll take this opprtunity to learn that I can NOT rush my food and itās really not worth it because I donāt remember eating the food and I just feel like absolute shit after.
ļø
if every day was the same youād fall off one end of the scale. Keep doing what youāre doing and donāt overthink it
Was originally gonna do a week of Huel (and try to finally reach my 52kg goal), but it looks like that is now going to be impossible. Sadreaxonly Huel y u no ship to Asia?
I aināt objecting tho 
