Weight: 57.7kg a lil annoying that Iām not losing weight at the pace I was, BUT I DID schedule in buffer weeks for this very reason: so I can enjoy my birthday, and so I can deal with exam stress instead of losing weight stress. 4 days way before I can say I met my 58kg goal by 31/5!
Food Intake: (1390kcal)
112g NewHuel, 3g MatchaFS
Idkā37g cinnamon apple cake, peel & cs 4 hot cross buns
Snacksā8 slices chicken breast ham, cs 2 sausages 1.5 patties
Exercise: 1h of chill frisbee, 10,355 steps today!
Other Observations:
After working out with the guys and my Friend, I reaaaaally wanna get back into working out regularly and gymming! I forgot how much fun it was to workout with friends :ā)
1.47pm: Crap I am so stuffed. Went on a near binge bc exam stress. Sighs canāt wait til I can crack down on myself and be more disciplined again farking examsssssss ugh
After getting my Fitbit, Iām starting to look at exercise as taking a break: walking around, playing frisbee, dancing, walking to the store etc.
Iāve just had a thought; I canāt wait til I get back home where I have a freezer and a blenderāgoing to make a smoothie with: 80g Huel + 18g Strawberry Whey + 50g Frozen Berries + 50g Frozen Banana + ice. (451kcal, 45C 11F 39P)
Looking back, I cant believe the āfrappesā I used to make to lose weight LOLāice, water, cocoa powder, stevia, xanthan gumā¦dayum. (Though ngl it tastes strangely palatable for minimal calories haha) But now. Iām prioritising putting some quality NUTRIENTS into my body
Iām also probably going to be experimenting with baking with Huel because why not make my own Huel bars if I can? Iāll provably keep yāall posted if youād like (weāll see in a monthsā time HAHA Iām getting ahead of myself.)
Iām already envisioning how Iām going to be using for travelling, changing timezones, going camping with friends, etc etc. Have you guys ever made Huel on an airplane??? Straight up bring the powder and ask them to fill your shaker with cold water or somethingā¦?
1.47am: Iām still feeling full/fat wtf the last bite I had was at 7.47pm aka 6h agoā¦ ugh pls donāt gain tmr I know itās not logical but perhaps I counted calories wrongly
@Luffers (donāt worry about replying haha no stress)
Yay for Huel granola! Itāll make you really thirsty though be warned! And also donāt expect regular granola or youād be disappointed haha. Itās like Layenbergerās protein granola if youāve ever had it xD
If you want a cheaper option, you can download the app āsleep cycleā, on your phone! I use it and itās great Even tracks your snoring, too!
I love my Fitbit so far! Makes me wanna move more haha. Thereās just something so gratifying about seeing the number of steps youāve takenā¦or NOT taken. (And to also realise Iām not getting nearly enough steps!)
Since youāve had both, how would you say the Apple Watch compares?
Iām doing this too! And yeah, it really does help stop a binge! Like okay so Iāve binged/overeatenā¦but I can still stick to my 8h of IF since Iāve gone the last 2 months without eating at that time so itās routine!
I had a nightmareā¦where someone sold me konjac rice and I happily chowed down before realising it was normal rice. Aaaaand started hyperventilating and crying. Evidently I still have unresolved issues
ED: I kinda remember why it was always better to be trying to lose weightāthatās the thing that dominates my mind, my thoughts, planningā¦it feels way better to stress about or be preoccupied with losing weight than to stress about my exams or whatever family drama happens at home ahaha.
Losing Weight: That being said, I wonāt intentionally try to lose weight til 6 June. Not a license to binge, but more like not intentionally cutting calories and being harsh on myself and being disappointed if the scale doesnāt drop. Iāll do my best to maintain my weight and lose some if possible though.
Things I Can Do if it remains stagnated:
1350-1550kcal more strictly
Reduce cs
100% Huel for a coupla days
Cut to 1450kcal
Ramp up exercise (more dance & frisbee; incorporate daily workouts; start to gym)
Increase steps (10,000)
Reverse Diet
Iām a little bit more flexible now (without being ill-disciplined, I hope) ā I broke my fast at 12.09 but stopped eating at 8.50pm, which was an 8h 40min window. Iām definitely striving for 8h, but well itās not like Iām not going to go to my 7-8pm dance class because I need to eat dinner before 8 lol.
LOOOL so I finished eating my dinner and it was around 1260kcal??? I was like oops how did that happen (I didnāt eat Huel Granola & my brioche buns & cake) so I decided to end the day eating some butterfinger cups!! yum yum all about moderation and the 80/20 lyf
Also, I got the āRegularā Huel badge today! HAHAHA ooooooops this probably shows how much damn time I spend on this site
12.22am: I donāt know why Iāve still been feeling SO FULL at this time for the last 3 daysā¦usually I start feeling a bit more empty. It COULD be bloating, but Iām 14-15 days away from my next period so I doubt it. Sigh Iām not really eating/exercising any different?
I think, when I looked into it, the calories burned reading on the Fitbit over-estimates (10%?) what you are actually burning, which is a shame cos if it were accurate I could eat more!
Weight: 57.6kg I wanna get this down or I actually have to lose 0.5kg a week with no buffer if I want to hit 55kg by mid Julyā¦which would be difficult because I will be travelling between 4 countries which always messes me up a little
Food Intake: (1537kcal)
112g NewHuel, MatchaFS
28g carrot cake + 16g cinnamon apple cake cake is so not worth the calories omg it was such a small portion and already ~200kcal Iād be better off eating PB cups (lol I compare all sweets to my 26kcal butterfinger cups now haha)
cs rest of the cake, ~1/3rd I really had to get rid of the cake Iāve already given it to so many friends lol. Was just stressing me out still having it there a week later LOL.
Snacksā1 packet seaweed, 10 chicken breast slices, 6 butterfinger cups
Soooo I realised that my timeline of losing weight is stressing me out a tad, because itāll have to be regular weight loss of 0.5kg a week amidst a LOT of changes over the next 4 weeks. (Exam period, end of exam, party weeks, friends cramming in meals together, belated birthday celebrations, travelling, going to Germany, staying with my brother, going to London with a Friend, going back home in Asia, going to Hong Kong, going to China, going back homeā¦) Iāll try my best of course, but I canāt beat myself up (too much) for the many instabilities and lack of regular routine. My weight goals are to keep me looking towards the long term & the sustainability of my actions. Even if I canāt make the first goal, Iāll still try my best to hit the second revision of the weight timeline. Itās all part of being adaptable with the changing circumstances, yet still being accountable. So my weight goalsā
58kg (by 31/5)
55kg (by mid-July) ((or 5/8 with more buffer for adjustment))
52kg (by 31/8) ((or 30/9))
In my exam-riddled brain, Iām now wondering: what would happen if I ate nothing but Nutella for a day? Like 1350kcal of it. 255g. LOLLLLL Iām lowkey keen to experiment after exams just for kicks haha.
Dinnerā7 wafer thin chicken slices, 1/2 Cajun chicken, 150g zoodles w 1T sesame sauce & nooch, 55g salmon, some salad (washed it bc it had sauce on it)
Idkācs 1 burger bun, cs 6 Nutella crepes
Other Observations:
Made it to 31st May without eating cookiesā¦so I promptly ate the chocolate chips from 2 cookies hehe. Gimme a break itās exams and Iām stressed
I have a (not so revolutionary) theory: When weāre stressed and our mental energy is so sapped weāre unable to summon motivation or discipline, thatās when the habits youāve cultivated really comes into play.
My habits at this point in time (that feel effortless and donāt require much mental energy, both good and bad):
Not so good habitsāPeeling brioche, butterfinger cups, wanting something sweet after a meal, picking , cs, feeling that relative inability to stop and having to consciously break myself away from food.
I didnāt snack enough during the day so I was ravenous when I got down to dinner and stuffed myself way too quickly.
Formal DinnerāBread w butter, Goujons, Beef w carrots, Cheesecake, cheese w 4 crackers & 5 grapes
Other Observations:
Iām oscillating between giving a too much shits about studying, and not giving enough
Well that was a TRAGIC dayā¦one of the worst Iāve had thus far. It was also the first time I didnāt have a 8h IF, it was 10.5h AND I overate by like 1000+kcal. I need to know how to get back on trackā¦ Iām so close to giving up I canāt do this.
I feel like Iāve failed and at this point in time Iād usually give up and go on a 2 week long bingeā¦or fast tomorrow since āif Iād eaten 2 days worth of calories today I should fast tomorrowā
So I am lowkey VERY STRESSED OUT ABOUT FOOD. As I mentioned, itās exam season and I have little capacity to circumvent negative thoughtsā¦or overeating sometimes. I also scheduled in all the eating-socialising I have in the next 2 weeks and itās basically EVERYDAY. Iām freaking out. I need a plan, because if I go in with a mindset that itās for naught, Iām going to end up binging on 3000+kcal everyday and purging. Iām scared, because I ate at a Formal today with a Friend and really did try my best to mentally prep myself yet it still went pretty badly foodwise and I ended up purging a bitā¦but I donāt want to miss out on the end of year end of exams celebrations with friends because of food. I need a way to eat out yet be able to stick to my goals I think when I feel like Iāve already failed, Iām more likely to throw in the towel before I begin trying.
Also Iāve looked back at the last month or so since Iāve started trying to lose weight, and realised that since Iāve started tracking calories and trying to stick between 1350 af 1550kcalā¦every time Iāve gone out to eat has resulted in me purging. This cannot be good, and is definitely on shaky disorder ground. I need to be able to eat when outside and still regulate my diet!
Goals:
Socialise and not miss out on dates with boy-o because food.
Not gain weight back to 59+
Be in controlāto have rules
Not to binge nor purge & all the mental distress
To still have my long term weight loss plan in mind and not throw in the towel (you only fail when you give up!)
What I need: Consistency and direction
So I guess some things I can try to do:
Try to be more active. Dance, walks, frisbee, HIIT/gym w friends. Still do my push-ups & pull-ups.
Still track my weight. For accountability. (And the negative feedback mechanism) I wonāt try to lose weight for the next 2 weeks, but will try to stay around 58kg.
Drink Huel for meals when I can.
Not compensate the next day. Focus on making every day as good as I can.
Focus on what makes me actually feel good: I hate feeling stuffed. I hate going to bed full. I hate wasting my calories on bad food. So look out for if itās worth it, and only eating til Iām satiated.
Accept that the days are probably going to be quite skewed nutritionally and macros-wise. That I probably wonāt have Huel so much to make room for other huge meals. But still try to choose healthier options. To drink vodka with diet lemonade. (LOOOL) To dance the night away!
Try my best to IF, but know itās ultimately CICO. Skipping breakfast just helps me to save on the calories for snacks and meals. Iāll always break my fast at 12ish and try to close the window at 8 or latest 9. Sometimes itās unavoidable to have predrinks at 9+, and for the night where Iām working from 6.30pm to 7amā¦welp weāll see how that goes.
KNOW THAT I have so many steps that I can be harsher and more disciplined on myself on when my routine stabilises a bit more! I really am trying.
1 week at a time, you got this! Now go focus on exams!
Kinda binge again sighsāeatcs 111g choc cake, eatcs 2 packets sunbites & 1 packet sour cream pop chips im not doing well sigh but I can still make the rest of the day good! 12-8 & good choices
Snacks ā 100g blueberries, 3 chewing gum, salad w 5 cherry tomatoes & sesame sauce & 1/2 cajun chicken (this altogether was 255kcal and felt like such a huge snack! Salad has so much volume dayum why donāt I do this more?)
Dinner ā Salmon w cream sauce and mushrooms , zucchini & aubergine , 1/2t Cadbury chocolate spread
Exercise: Some cycling & 1h workout (stairclimber, full body circuit, ~400kcal burnt)
Other Observations:
So I realised I couldnāt keep living like that; binging in private and being unable to eat with friends in public without purging. And so when pseudo-bf asked me if I wanted to eat salmon @ his Hall (was only Ā£2.40!!!), although Iād already planned dinner and ate way too much at lunch I decided to. I was on the verge of purging ngl but I distracted myself with cuddles (also hard when you feel like a fCKING WHALE ) and then went off to workout with a Friend after.
Self-realisation: When my goals seem too overwhelming and unreliable, I tend to be paralysed and not be able to try at all. So I need to calibrate my goals to the means I have to achieve them (bearing in mind that I DO have more means than I realise and donāt use that as an excuse to be lazy)
ED: I suppose this phase rn is somewhat like when I was freaking out about eating sugar when coming off 100% Huel. All comes down to a lack of control. It was a good thing that I ate out today; I hope I donāt gain weight (since tracking accurately is difficult when eating out), but I did make a balanced and pretty healthy choice of eating salmon with roasted zucchini & squash & aubergine. I was tempted to purge but didnāt. And eating out isnāt a disaster: I didnāt go back and binge! And dinner was delicious, too, not to mention my pseudo-bfās company. I think thatās what Iām afraid of: that Iām only mentally satisfied with my own carefully controlled food and macros, so if I go out, Iām physically full but still go back and binge.
After doing this, Iām a lot more confident that I WILL be able to manage eating out next week. Iām also determined to step up my exercise since I canāt eat all these extra calories and be surprised if/when I gain weight. EXAMS ARE OVER IN 3 DAYS!!!
I used to take say 20-30 minutes to eat my Huel with a spoonā¦and now it takes me 10min and thatās a stretch. I need to slow down!! Makes me feel like throwing up a bit. But it tastes so good I canāt help it
Iāve decided that Iāll make 100g Huel shakes for the next week or so with the same volume of water so itās 50kcal less but is still 400kcal aka what my mind constitutes as a meal of its own.
I donāt think I really ate unhealthily today? Sans measured portion of sweets & some brioche. Friends ordered Chinese and I was tempted but nah not worth it. Next week has tons of social gatherings! Iām doing the best I can welp. Exam tomorrow!
Buuuut also I think I ate way too many roasted veggies? Like 20 to 30ā¦ and itās uncontrolled calories + mushroom cream source. Idk man. Ugh maybe I shouldāve just thrown the squash away.
Snacksā10mstrawberries, 36g chicken w BBQ sauce 1 Nutella B-Ready, 7.25 butterfinger cups, 1 packet seaweed, 10 slices ham
Binge ābrownie, keropok, 2 pastries
Dinnerāmixed veg w sesame sauce, squash, 1 brioche
Other Observations:
This is a period in which I try to get mentally accustomed to eating out without being triggered to binge or purge from lack of control. Iāve eaten unknown calorie things for the last 2 days, and the world hasnāt ended. I can do it for the next week too, and just try my best to estimate.
I broke my fast an hour early because I was stressing about exams oh well.
Iām done. Iām just so done. One more exam tomorrow Iām so exhausted!
I just scrolled back to the first post, when you were at 60kg. While your posts have a lot of entertaining drama and suggest big ups & downs (emotionally if not in weight), fact is: you have been losing about 1kg/month. Thatās reasonable, sustainable progress and is not so far off the track to your original target. Go you!
To a casual bystander, it seems as if your rapidly fluctuating emotions are your biggest challenge. Have you ever tried meditation? Consider it.
1/2 free birthday Ferrero Crepe from CrĆŖpeaffaire
Snacksā4 slices ham, 12 strawberries, 100g roasted squash
Sweetsā5 kinder bueno, 1/3rd white choc cookie, 1/4 twin cookie
Formal DinnerāBeetroot risotto w goat cheese, aubergine w beans, some Eton mess, ~400ml wine
Other Observations:
After taking the plunge to eat out with the pseudo-bf and not purge, Iām a lot less distressed at the thought of eating out many times this week! I AM in control and I can determine how much I eat (and also try to dance it off!)
7.05pm: Ohgawd I ate ~900-1000kcal already which isnāt too badā¦but thatās before even the Formal Dinner and drinks so gonna bust today but Iāll keep trying!
Soā¦like most people I use food as reward and happinessā¦which Iām working on but haha it feels difficult to stop myself from splurging at the end of exams!!! Feels like Iāve worked hard for relaxation yknow?
Welp I overate but even though my friends left the club I was lowkey very determined to get at least 10000 steps in at the club end up getting 12000+ before 3am, so hopefully I wonāt gain tooooo much. Will try to be more active and consistent tmr!
Weight: 57.3kg didnt gain from going out, and lost instead! but Iām bearing in mind GTIPuGās log of āprobably being very dehydratedā oh well xD
Food Intake: (2043kcal)
1/3rd of 100g CoffeeHuel w 3g ChocFS the fridge shut off so it went bad *
45g Huel granola to the rescue!
1/2 packet pork scratchings
Snacksā6 slices ham, 5 cherry tomatoes, 1 mini Milky Way was getting p hungry by 4.45pm
Sweetsā28g raspberry brownie&cs
Formal Dinnerā
Exercise: 1h frisbee + clubbing later I aim to tear up the dance floor and reach at least 8000 steps by dancing tonight
Other Observations:
Fitbit Motivations: Itās actually great having the Fitbit and seeing (rough) calories burnt, if Iām able to use it as an objective tool. Wanting to get more steps in on the dance floor probably ramped up that letting loose and DANCING MY HEART OUT! ~13000 steps, 700kcal Which means my net Intake was probably around 1500-1600kcal. āBurning offā extra calories really is hard work though!
ED: Iāll probably have to properly think through this relationship betweeen exercising and burning calories, because I donāt want it to get disordered. I donāt like the idea of āburn off this ice cream!ā āWorkout so I can eat later!ā āOne cookie means you have to walk up 15 flights of stairs!ā The thing about bulimia is that the underlying mechanism IS compensation. Compensating by purging, over-exercising, fasting, laxatives, etc. Thatās why I never wanted to see how many calories I was burning during exercise. I wanted to keep exercise as an additional thing I didnāt factor in or āeat backā. Iāve always thought itās so much easier to restrict food or fast than to āexercise it offā since you canāt outtrain a bad diet. BUT this Fitbit (aka knowing how much Iām burning; exercise calories and heart rate etc) is but a tool that I simply have to use properly to maximise its benefits
Exercise to feel strong and capable and healthy, for the endorphins
The Fitbit is motivation to push a little harder, to say yes instead of no to movement and activities
Exercise is not punishment, I deserve to eat regardless of whether I exercise
Exercise to increase my TDEE, since lifeās good food and good company is not something to be missed out on! How great would it be if I could go out and enjoy life AND still manage my weight!
Exercise because it improves your quality of life
Still eat 1350-1550kcal for mental sanity and food enjoyment and adequate nutrients
Iām really bad at āsaving my calories for later in the dayā like nah it just doesnāt happen
Even tracks your snoring, too! 
, cs, feeling that relative inability to stop and having to consciously break myself away from food.
, zucchini & aubergine 
, 1/2t Cadbury chocolate spread
) and then went off to workout with a Friend after.
