I just wanted to know if anyone else is aiming 100% Huel alone in their family unit or they have faced resistance from family? The reaction I am getting is making me feel like I am being unreasonable but I did not think it would be that big a deal.
It’s slightly different than a standard ‘family meal time’ as we don’t have kids to set an example to, it’s just two nerdy 20-somethings. Previously we have always taken it in turns to cook each night.
My other half is so against cooking solely for himself that he has actually gone almost completely vegan with me because he would rather continue to cook together than him eat omnivorus every meal but always cook his own. He says he would rather eat vegan because otherwise if he is only cooking for himself all the time he won’t eat properly. I have said repeatedly that my life would be much simpler and much easier if I could just cook and eat separately to him, as we work different shifts and I find it hard to find enough vegan meals he will eat without repeating them. If I could just make a months worth of 2 or 3 balanced meals and keep them in the freezer I would be happy but I can’t do that so long as I eat with him because he won’t eat like that.
Obviously Huel has been super, duper exciting because it gives me a way of making something balanced, quick, works around shifts, is portable, all that amazing stuff. But he’s complaining about the idea of Huel even more than the idea of me cooking on my own.
His reasons: a) cooking together makes his diet healthier, which is 100% selfish, so why can’t I also just do what I need b) apparently we will miss out on time spent together… I feel like if he thinks the 10 minutes we spend at the table together is that important he can make the time up elsewhere, like in his four hours of video games… Never mind that when I start shift at 5pm we don’t eat together anyway.
Am I being unreasonable? I feel as though my desire to eat Huel is being interpreted as some kind of weird desire to make us less close or he’s just being selfish. Do other Huel fans families get so hung up on cooking together?
I don’t have the same issues (as a) I enjoy family meal time and b) I have kids which makes meal time really important for us), but I had a couple of thoughts that might be helpful.
To me (and going on what you’ve reported), I think that the issue might be deeper than what’s being said. I think it would be worth sitting down together (over a meal? ) and having a heart to heart, to find out what’s really bugging him about the new arrangement.
The key thing is to find out what the underlying needs both of you have (not how you’re expressing them, or the emotions that are surfacing, but the underlying need that’s causing both of those) and find out a way you can meet all of them.
So, from what I’ve read from you, I’d guess you need to keep mealtimes simple, that shift work is eating into precious free time so you need that free time to not be wasted and possibly to feel more appreciated for your previous efforts to find food you can both eat. Is that right?
Obviously, you’d need to sit down with your partner to work out what his needs are and I can only make some guesses which might be completely off base. They might be:
that he might be feeling time pressure too. He might not like the idea of Huel for himself, but feels that there is now more pressure on him to cook all the time, whereas previously this chore was shared
he might need the connection of mealtimes together (rightly or wrongly, food together is used for bonding, as an expression of love/caring for the person you’ve cooked for - this might be an especially strong connection for him depending on how he’s been brought up
he might need reassurance in the relationship - big changes, especially leaning towards more independence of one partner might be interpreted as threatening to the other.
Of course, he might not be thinking any of these things, which is why you’re going to have to do some sleuthing Getting a complete picture of his perspective without judgement is going to be hugely helpful to creating a new routine that you are both happy with.
JJMC This is what I’m feeling but I’m trying to look for something else because honestly I’d rather it wasn’t that (and outside perspective tends to be helpful!). Weirdly enough this is looking to be the biggest issue with moving to Huel for me.
I did think about the being threatening to our relationship thing as he’s kicked off about related things before. But if it is that its gonna take some digging to find out how I can reassure him. I turned down a fulfilled conditional offer from the best university offering my course after Oxbridge to be in the same city as him, that’s why we live together at all and not hundreds of miles away from each other. That was literally the biggest gesture I had.
Still giggling at the idea of being this up over a meal though.
This sounds like something out of /r/relationships… To address his complaints short and sweet:
a. You are not responsible for the diet of an adult man, it is that simple really. If health is a concern, Huel would be great for him!
b. If he spends 4 hours a day with his video games, he can’t kick up a fuss over the time spend at the dining table. At most you can offer to perhaps drink your Huel while he eats his cooked meal?
Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means encouraging you to break up with him (I have no idea what your relationship is like), but if you do feel uncomfortable or unhappy with this guy, don’t let the sunk cost fallacy tie you in. I think a lot of people tend to forget that.
Yeah, sorry for bringing my weird relationship crap here! I half think it’s ridiculous that this is an issue, but then… I guess food is fairly central to people’s lives and meal time seems to be a big deal for a lot of families so maybe I shouldn’t be? He is quite weirdly enthusiastic about referring to us as a family now.
I’m very appreciative of the reality check this has provided, so thank you. I got my 100g sample since I made this post and I really like Huel, so (for many reasons) going for Huel makes sense for me. He can sort his life out and hopefully he might register that feeding himself isn’t the end of the world.
I love him to pieces but navigating day-to-day life together is much harder than having your own space and going to school/college together (which is what we did for the first 6 years)! Hoping that is supposed to be a learning curve.
) and having a heart to heart, to find out what’s really bugging him about the new arrangement.