Doing it for me

I know that there are loads of these threads on this forum but this one I’m going to use mostly for me, and if you want to read or interact with it then feel free. This one will be a long one.

I’ve used Huel before, also for weight loss and it worked well. I suppose I am what would be classed as a yo yo dieter. I’m not overweight technically but I’m unhappy with how I look, and that is in part due to excess weight I’ve gained over the last few years.

I should be honest and say that I’ve never been happy with my weight. When I was younger it was actually the opposite of needing to lose weight. I had a poor appetite and I was tiny. My mum made me a star chart which hung on the back of the door in the downstairs loo and I’d get a star whenever I finished a meal. Then when I was a teenager I was too light for my periods to start. I stood on the scales every day wishing to be heavier. I stuffed my dinner in as much as I could even though it made me gag to feel so full. My friends were fat. All of them. To me that was what normal or cool looked like. They had boobs and bums and looked like women. They shopped for bras and clothes in the normal clothes sections. I looked like a twig. A boy in my woodwork class stood by a workbench and asked me: if you hand no hands, would you wear gloves? I said no. If you had no feet, would you wear shoes? I said no. So how come you wear a bra then? I had no comeback. I was painfully shy as well as skinny so I stood there, hacksaw in hand as he walked away with his spotty little friends laughing their heads off.

Being that skinny at that time in my life was awful. I have to remind myself of this when I now look in the mirror and my weight gain has given me some boobs and curves but along with it is the cellulite and the bingo wings and the general flabbiness that I now hate instead of my skinny ribs. I have to accept that I will probably never be happy with my body. My mind won’t let me. I’m the sort of person who constantly compares herself to everyone else and that my ideals are all based on how someone else looks. Last year I finally got the courage to join the gym. It took me a week of walking on the treadmill before I would start running because I thought people would laugh at the way I run. It all became too hard so I stopped going. I’m well into my 30s now and I still find self confidence so hard. Recently I’ve found one class that I go to twice a week. I take my place in the corner, at the back by the door and so far everyone seems to have ignored me. There’s a nice mix of people there and people smile at me. I feel safe there so I will continue to go.

I know I got lazy. I knew one day my metabolism would change and that I wouldn’t always be skinny and it has happened only I didn’t really notice it. I learned to love food when I went to university and since hitting my 30s the weight has just gone up. Instead of fearing food and whether it would make me feel sick, the inner greedy girl in me has found her way out. The girl that scoffs crisps when she’s had a bad day. The girl that is so exhausted with life that a takeaway is all that will fill that void.

As I said at the beginning I am not overweight but heading there. I want to have a healthier relationship with food and with myself. I know that Huel can’t do that for me but it can help me to know what’s going into my body and how often. I’m so torn between wanting to be skinny again and not wanting to feel the way I did when I was skinny that I just need to find some kind of middle ground. I want my energy back. I want to feel better about the choices I’m making and that I’m taking control of my body for once.

So here’s my aim. I am 5’7” tall and currently weigh 146lbs. I would like to lose about 10lbs to start with as well as shaping up by going to my gym classes and I also do yoga once a week.

I’m hoping that by replacing one meal a day to start with, probably lunch, that I can rid myself of some of my snacking and emotional eating habits that I have subconsciously developed over the last few years. I will try and log my progress on here to make myself more accountable and to remind myself of my goal. This goal is for me though. I’m done trying to compare myself to everyone or trying to impress people. I want to be me and the best version of myself, happy and healthy. So, if you read this far, wish me luck…

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That right there is key to your goals, you’re well on your way knowing that. You got this!

I look forward to reading about your progress. Your story of the bullying you were subjected to as a kid was heartbreaking. Kids can be so cruel, and despite all the campaigns etc I don’t think things have changed much. I was quite skinny as a kid, but had a bit of a pot belly at about 10 or 11. I remember a kid at school asked me if I was pregnant. That cuffed me right up. I started to wonder if my dad had raped me while I was asleep and I didn’t remember. Obviously as I got a bit older I realised that was extremely unlikely/pretty much impossible, and not the sort of thing that would be in character for my dad, but the damage it did psychologically was profound. Kids can be right little poo monsters. Hugs.

Thanks for the support @Indigo - I’m trying to keep a healthier mindset but it’s easier said than done!

Thanks for your message @Wendy_Shepherd - your experience sounds really unpleasant and I’m sorry you had to go through all those thoughts. It’s sad that somehow many learn that the way to feel good is to make someone else feel awful.

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So far today I’ve done pretty well. I actually felt quite emotional after writing my post last night but I think I needed to do it. I didn’t sleep well but woke up with my game face on and feeling very determined.

I decided to have Huel for a late breakfast today and drank it on my way to a conference to try and stave off the hunger and avoid the biscuit temptation and it worked really well. I am trying the Black Huel because I tend to have fairly heavy carb meals in the evening and thought it might balance out. I tried the chocolate today and can’t say I loved it but it was ok. I don’t like the plasticy taste of Stevia although I know for others it’s not too bad. I think I’ll get used to it.

I had veggie sushi for lunch and some Graze “protein punch” as a snack and have successfully avoided the temptation of the biscuits. I’m really proud of myself. I don’t even like biscuits that much; i would have normally just eaten them because everyone else was. Dinner is going to be some chicken with avocado and potato salad. I’ve put it all into my fitness pal and seem to be doing fine today in terms of keeping about 500cal below my TDEE.
I’ll probably need another little snack later but will have some chicken bites or a cheese string maybe.

I know it’s only day 1 but I’m proud of myself for being more honest and being a bit more realistic about what I want to achieve and why. Thanks for the support so far.

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Your body, you get to decide what looks cool.

Do The Thing.

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Knowing your mindset needs to change is a huge step many don’t even come to, for real. Emotional eating is difficult to change, means dealing with the roots of it. Mind body and soul all need nutrition of different types, you’re on the right road!

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Good luck!! I’ve found myself feeling fuller using Black Edition. No worries, you can do anything you put your mind to!

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Thanks @Eric_E_Dolecki it is good to hear- even though the taste isn’t quite my favourite I’ll keep going with it. I really liked the old original vanilla Huel so I think it’s just getting used to something different

both Original and GF Original 2.3 are still available in the outlet store if you wanted to stock up on some to make things easier for you.

Oh amazing I didn’t even know there was an outlet! Will definitely do that, thanks

Outlet is here.

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So here we are for day 2.

Weight - still 146lb
I didn’t have an extra snack last night so pleased to stay in line with my target cals of 1200.

I tried really hard to look in the mirror and notice positives about myself. The only one I managed today was that I do have a slim waist, not quite an hourglass and more of a pear but actually it’s a part of my body I’m quite comfortable with. I’m trying to look at things more positively, like when I tried on a new dress I ordered and it’s too tight around my bum I just told myself that it’s just not the style for me, rather than berating myself. I am not going to lie and say I managed the thought perfectly but I tried.

I made a big effort to drink more water today and I’ve also been really busy so I haven’t had much snack temptation. I’ve had a skyr yogurt for breakfast, 1.5scoops Huel for lunch (still getting used to it but it was fine), a banana and a small Pulsin oat bar which leaves me just over 650 cals to play with for dinner. I think this is a calorie pattern I need to do more as it’s usually when I get home that I tend to scoff food or wine because I’ve had a bad day.

I’m thinking perhaps along the line I will have Huel for breakfast and lunch, once I get a bit more used to not grazing so much, and then a cooked meal for dinner. I am pretty hungry now that it’s almost dinner time but I won’t waste away any time soon!

Hope you’ve all had a good day :slight_smile:

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Just a quick one today.
Weight 145.6lbs
Managed to stick well within my calorie limit again but I did get to eat a bit more today as I did my gym class this evening. I had a 1.5scoop Huel for lunch - I think I’m getting used to the flavour. I’m annoyed I didn’t add any flavour boosts to my order.
I do feel quite hungry and a bit crabby but think I’m just being quite hard on myself and feeling tired!

You’re doing great. I’ve recently started Huel. It’s a big change but keep it up and you’ll benefit from these healthy changes :slight_smile:

The flavour boosts are great to have a bit of “variety”.

Thank you for your support- I needed it today as I’ve had a bit of a self berating day. I’m still weighing in at 145.6, so that’s 0.4lb down since Tuesday which I know is absolutely fine but I think because I’m trying hard it’s become a bit all consuming and all I’m thinking about is my weight and look and what I’m eating… I know I need to try and focus more on positives it’s just a bit tough. I’m still determined though and really believe I can overcome it.

Day to day weighing can help keep you on track, but try to focus more on monthly loss trends maybe weigh every other day if its affecting your mental health or non-scale victories like maybe taking monthly measurements in target areas.

Try not let weight be the end of all things in your life and think more about making positive permanent changes.

Its not a diet its a life style that you are choosing to feel better forever.

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Thank you for that advice. I do need to remember to give it time and to look at it over the month. I weigh myself every day because I know my weight does fluctuate a bit so it does just help me know if I’m doing ok. I just feel like I’m doing something wrong as usually I’d have lost a bit more in these 4 days but even as I write this I know that’s a pathetic view and I know I can expect big change in 4 days… just always read about people losing loads in the first week (I know mostly water weight but I don’t even seem to be losing that!)