I know that there are loads of these threads on this forum but this one I’m going to use mostly for me, and if you want to read or interact with it then feel free. This one will be a long one.
I’ve used Huel before, also for weight loss and it worked well. I suppose I am what would be classed as a yo yo dieter. I’m not overweight technically but I’m unhappy with how I look, and that is in part due to excess weight I’ve gained over the last few years.
I should be honest and say that I’ve never been happy with my weight. When I was younger it was actually the opposite of needing to lose weight. I had a poor appetite and I was tiny. My mum made me a star chart which hung on the back of the door in the downstairs loo and I’d get a star whenever I finished a meal. Then when I was a teenager I was too light for my periods to start. I stood on the scales every day wishing to be heavier. I stuffed my dinner in as much as I could even though it made me gag to feel so full. My friends were fat. All of them. To me that was what normal or cool looked like. They had boobs and bums and looked like women. They shopped for bras and clothes in the normal clothes sections. I looked like a twig. A boy in my woodwork class stood by a workbench and asked me: if you hand no hands, would you wear gloves? I said no. If you had no feet, would you wear shoes? I said no. So how come you wear a bra then? I had no comeback. I was painfully shy as well as skinny so I stood there, hacksaw in hand as he walked away with his spotty little friends laughing their heads off.
Being that skinny at that time in my life was awful. I have to remind myself of this when I now look in the mirror and my weight gain has given me some boobs and curves but along with it is the cellulite and the bingo wings and the general flabbiness that I now hate instead of my skinny ribs. I have to accept that I will probably never be happy with my body. My mind won’t let me. I’m the sort of person who constantly compares herself to everyone else and that my ideals are all based on how someone else looks. Last year I finally got the courage to join the gym. It took me a week of walking on the treadmill before I would start running because I thought people would laugh at the way I run. It all became too hard so I stopped going. I’m well into my 30s now and I still find self confidence so hard. Recently I’ve found one class that I go to twice a week. I take my place in the corner, at the back by the door and so far everyone seems to have ignored me. There’s a nice mix of people there and people smile at me. I feel safe there so I will continue to go.
I know I got lazy. I knew one day my metabolism would change and that I wouldn’t always be skinny and it has happened only I didn’t really notice it. I learned to love food when I went to university and since hitting my 30s the weight has just gone up. Instead of fearing food and whether it would make me feel sick, the inner greedy girl in me has found her way out. The girl that scoffs crisps when she’s had a bad day. The girl that is so exhausted with life that a takeaway is all that will fill that void.
As I said at the beginning I am not overweight but heading there. I want to have a healthier relationship with food and with myself. I know that Huel can’t do that for me but it can help me to know what’s going into my body and how often. I’m so torn between wanting to be skinny again and not wanting to feel the way I did when I was skinny that I just need to find some kind of middle ground. I want my energy back. I want to feel better about the choices I’m making and that I’m taking control of my body for once.
So here’s my aim. I am 5’7” tall and currently weigh 146lbs. I would like to lose about 10lbs to start with as well as shaping up by going to my gym classes and I also do yoga once a week.
I’m hoping that by replacing one meal a day to start with, probably lunch, that I can rid myself of some of my snacking and emotional eating habits that I have subconsciously developed over the last few years. I will try and log my progress on here to make myself more accountable and to remind myself of my goal. This goal is for me though. I’m done trying to compare myself to everyone or trying to impress people. I want to be me and the best version of myself, happy and healthy. So, if you read this far, wish me luck…