📓 Daily Journal: Intermittent Fasting (16:8), ED Recovery and Weight Loss

[Bimchi]

Why didnt you accept my instagram reqiest

[jeffy89]

@bimchi Oops sorry! I got a lot of requests from spam accounts so I must’ve overlooked yours! What’s your username?

[GTIPuG]

I suffer from the same binge tendencies with chocolate and snacks. If I start I never stop.

I find what helps for me is just not buying them, I keep the cupboards bare. All I have is eggs, cheese, tonnes of chicken, pasta, rice, tomatoes, veg, Huel and whey protein.

Can’t eat what you don’t have

[jeffy89]

Day 14

To celebrate 2 weeks of Huel, I decided to try Original Huel as I did on Day 1 (yknow, that day where I retched and couldn’t stomach Huel)…

Weight: 58.9kg

Huel Review: …and it’s not bad! Taste-wise, I liked the first bite more than I do New Vanilla, but the subsequent bites just got boring (it’s the opposite for New Vanilla: first bite tastes artificial, subsequent get yummy). I think I’ll stick to having coffee with the original (it’s better than coffee New Vanilla).

• My ranking: Coffee original > New Vanilla > New Vanilla w matcha > New Vanilla w coffee > New Vanilla w pineapple > Original

Food intake:

• Huel 112g
• Snacks—2 plums + 100g curried chicken + 50g protein bar
• Dinner—Broccoli + 5 cherry tomatoes + 200g chicken breast
• Sweets—1 cookie + 1-1.5 muffin

Exercise: 1h dance (Street) today! + a little cycling

Other observations:

• Huel is such a straightforward part of life now… lowkey dreading term beginning again and my routine having to change…
• 8.43pm: I’m more attuned to my hunger now. I used to never feel properly hungry because I got so used to ignoring my hunger to lose weight by drastically restricting my calories. So when people said they were starving I was like ??? why do I never feel hungry does it mean I should eat even less ??? but now I’m able to tell that I’m hungry, not hungry enough that I really have to eat, but hungry enough to know I’ll be a little too hungry to fast 16h
• Haha it’s crazy how easily eating sweets/cookies/muffins can shoot your calories through the roof: I was only at around 1150kcal at 8.55pm, so I ate a bunch of sweets (also to sate my sweet tooth before it blows up) and it’s now like slightly under 1800 I ain’t too fussed tho! Feeling great. I think what I can’t stand is more of if I feel out of control, that’s what distresses me. I’ve somewhat IF’d, I don’t feel too stuffed or starving, I ate nutritious food and some fun food. If the scale increases tomorrow it’ll be annoying but it’s ok it’ll go down with consistency.
• I didn’t exactly 8h IF today, but since I completed my week successfully, I gave myself a day off (9h instead), and am doing it for the next week
• I literally am getting so good at naturally picking and eating a 40:30:30 split LMAO and it’s not intentional. My 1800 day had it, and I planned one for tomorrow that was bang on on the ratios!

@GTIPuG haha true! I go a little mad on the unhealthy food the supermarket; how do you resist buying it?
On a separate (and possibly remnant from ED) note, idk sometimes having a shit ton of junk food in a drawer somewhere helps me mentally: it’s like telling myself I can have it if I want to and am not forbidding it, bc the forbidden fruit is always more enticing yknow? I’ve literally had a cupboard of chocolates I basically never touched for a year HAHA but it felt good in a weird sense

[rtrt]

This is spot on & why I’ve yet to try huel bars. Almost all comments are very positive, so I know I’ll just binge

[jeffy89]

Day 15

Huel is bae :’) It’s funny how it’s literally oats + flaxseed + pea protein + a buncha multivitamins. How does it have so much power to change our lives?

Weight: 58.9kg

Huel review: Pineapple flavour with original is a lot yummier than with New Vanilla! So many combos eheheheh. So I’m gonna rank it.

• Original w coffee
• New Vanilla
• New Vanilla w matcha
• Original w pineapple
• New Vanilla w coffee
• New Vanilla w pineapple
• Original

Food intake:

• Huel 112g, Pineapple & Coconut Flavour Boost
• Snacks—10 butterfinger cups + 2 plums + 25g jerky
• Dinner—broccoli + 7 cherry tomatoes + chicken + 2T curry
• Sweets—3/4 custard donut + tiny slice of chocolate cake

Exercise: 1h tap dance (I’ve never done tap dancing in my life haha this is going to be INTERESTING)

Other observations:

• My intake for the last 3 days (and tomorrow too) has been slightly more than it was during break, naturally without controlling it. I suppose it’s a little bit of stress, and transitioning out of Easter break. I won’t be distressed, I’m still meeting my goals and doing fine. Especially when I have less mental energy, I’m just going to upkeep existing habits instead of trying to add new ones.
• Bringing my own food: because of the ED, I used to get so uncomfortable eating in front of other people and would rather eat in private. And then came binging in private. And then came being in recovery, worrying that I’d have to justify not being disordered to people. And also being afraid people would judge my food and have to justify myself once more, and to justify to myself its not disordered either. But I brought my food to church purely because I know I feel better eating a balanced meal. Because the curry at church has no veggies, and is high in fat and doesn’t leave me satisfied but overstuffed. No one said a thing tbh, even though I was eating with chopsticks LOL. Maybe just asking “you’re not getting food?” or “is the curry not good enough for ya? :P” only in jest though.

[jeffy89]

Day 16

So Easter term begins, along with the many social events. I’m going out to a 3 course meal today, along with many glasses of wine and possibly clubbing after. It’s the first (or second) day I’ve woken up and not immediately had my Huel and ngl this is TOUGH. I couldn’t stop thinking about eating while trying to do work. I find it so much easier to stop eating and be a lil hungry at night. But I’ve gotten so used to waking and eating Huel, so I suppose it’s just something I’ve got to get used to. And I can always go for coffee or chewing gum if I really need to. Sigh I suppose pushing back eating to 2 or 3 isn’t the most worth it just to keep the window open til 10.

Weight: 59.1kg desperately consults my “why have I gained weight??” post (Post 31)

Food intake:

• Huel 112g, coffee (THE BEST!)
• Mini-binge: Hot cross buns, chocolate crepes
• Dinner: Beef + Carrots + a bit of potato + a teeny bit of chocolate
• Drinks: ~a bottle of wine (I got way too drunk oops)

Exercise: ugh I was supppaed to go to the club to dance off all the alcohol calories BUT WE ENDED SITTING IN SOMEONES ROOM INSTEAD :’(

[jeffy89]

Day 16

Weight: 59.0kg

Food intake:

• Huel 112g, Toffee flavour pack (tasted pretty good!)
• 1.5 cookies & a lot of bread I know this is because I got 4h of sleep last night and I’m trying to keep awake to study
• Dinner—200g chicken breast + 8 cherry tomatoes
• Hummus Party—Hummus, 5 pop chips, 3 baby carrots, 3 tortilla chips
• cs muffins lmao exam stress got me half-binging…

Exercise: 1.5h Krav Maga I’m so excited!!! the girls I trained with were like “damnn you’ve got a lot of power in you” hehe

Other observations:

• Ok so IF-ing in the morning is fine, I realised. It’s just the shifting of my window to be 2-10 instead that is not haha it just makes me ravenous & upsets the balance nicely created
• The binging is really a function of alleviating exam stress sigh just the activity takes my mind off the pressure and feels good I know I probably may gain this week but I’m giving myself a week to settle back into the rhythm of school SO MANY CHANGES UGH I wish I could’ve hit 58 before the stress returned haha. I’m taking a break off MFP and just making sure I do 8h IF and drink my Huel Heck, tomorrow may be the first day I can’t drink Huel because I potentially have lunch with friends and dinner with church members AGH
• The process of trying to lose weight is actually amazing in terms of its overflow into other aspects of my life: the journey of self improvement transcends mere weight loss. The spirit of experimenting, the belief in oneself, the hope that dreams can come true… so I mightn’t be losing weight this very week. But what matters is I keep trying.

[jeffy89]

Day 17

Weight: 59.5kg how did it jump by so much? I know I binged a bit and exam stress sigh. Hope it’ll come down and I’ll do my best to IF regardless.

Huel review: Tried the chocolate flavour pack!! It tastes SO GOOD it’s almost like a chocolate milkshake! This may actually be on par with or even surpass coffee Huel as my No.1

Food intake:

• Some kebab meat
• Huel 112g, chocolate flavour pack
• 1/2 Pain Au Raisin
• 2 Belgian cookies ><
• Dinner—chicken stir fry, ~3-5T rice, green beans

Other observations:

• Huel has heavily balanced my cost-benefit analysis of eating out. Its convenience, its yummy taste, the way it makes me feel satiated but not stuffed, its cost of £1+ per meal, its perfect balance of macros…
• So I joined my friends at this kebab shop for lunch, but 1. Wasn’t particularly hungry and 2. My Huel seemed like it was going to be way more satisfying. (I’d rather not have to pay £7 for social convention and not even amazing high calorie food) So I was able to just sit with them and chat and it’s surprising, you’d think they’d be judging me for not eating more!
• I think I got my friend on board! LOL he saw me wearing my Huel shirt and asked about it (yes I wear that everywhere ooooops I could totally be a Huel brand ambassador, the way I rave about it all the time). A coupla other friends overheard and was like “ew powdered spaceman food? grooooosss”. I just replied, “well y’all ain’t tried it yet it actually tastes so good when you get used to it + it’s one of those things when you’re out and hungry/travelling and you’d rather not eat gas station sandwiches!” they were relatively sold

• Huel: so good you advertise it without getting paid

• Re: gaining weight—I think it’s not so much the number that scares me, but more of the worry that this upturn from the downward trend signifies the start of a new upward trend I’m scared that I’ll gain even more than before, and I’m scared that I can’t lose beyond 59. Ah well only time will tell.
• ED Recovery: Despite gaining on the scale a bit, I didn’t fall back into the old pattern of fasting or over-restricting! I ate as per usual, because consistency is waaaay better than unsustainable yo yo dieting!
• 1.30am: Hungry

[GTIPuG]

Ahh don’t stress, it’ll drop off again

You know when you say binge… I know the feels…

[Michael_Rozdoba]

@GTIPuG

I know the feels…

I clicked like as there isn’t an empathise button. People talk about binging then say they ate half a pack of biscuits. My binges tend to be measured either in Mcals or more easily by the carrier bag. And yes, one day at a time & all that.

@jeffy89

Hope it’ll come down I’ll do my best to IF regardless.

You can get back on track & forgive yourself all in one go; it will take a little longer to undo the gain but that will go too. BTW Thanks for the thread; interesting read

[jeffy89]

@GTIPuG thanks for your encouragement! Haha you always pop up when I need it whoa that ability to pack that down in one sitting is impressive! was it a binge or an abnormally large celebration meal hahah

@Michael_Rozdoba thank you too for the encouragement! Mm having bulimia & binge eating disorder I have had episodes where I literally chugged down cookies and cake by the carrier bag and bread by the loaf too so I know what you mean hahhaa unfortunate. I often look at other’s tiny binges and I’m like “what? that’s a snack”
but I suppose binges are also characterised by feeling a loss of control, like your mind going blank and being unable to stop yourself and before you know it a large volume of food is gone so I guess that could happen even with not-3000kcal binges
Why does it happen for you? Glad you enjoyed the read, and I’m impressed you made it this far down the many posts

[Michael_Rozdoba]

I comfort eat, especially leftovers; I don’t like waste. I’ve got a long history of anxiety & depression; essentially people scare the crap out of me. I see people as stupid, selfish, cruel… you get the idea. So crap mental health essentially. Thanks for asking, I think

[GTIPuG]

@jeffy89

thanks for your encouragement! Haha you always pop up when I need it whoa that ability to pack that down in one sitting is impressive! was it a binge or an abnormally large celebration meal hahah

Glad to hear, it’s a nice thing to check in on once a day and follow your progress.

The meal was just a team breakfast with work, but as it’s a buffet I couldn’t help but smash my way through the menu…

Consumption was:

• 4 slices of brown toast
• 4 sachets of butter
• 1 bowl strawberry yoghurt
• 1 bowl coco-pops
• 4 sausages
• 4 bacon
• 4 hash browns
• 6 poached eggs
• 1 mushroom
• 2 portions of beans

It was absolutely amazing… I finished it in 6 minutes! Could have probably handled another few portions of each item but glad I didn’t.

Think I’ve satisfied my binge craving for another month or so, now to knock the caloric deficit by an extra 500 for the next few days. All the way down to 1500, argh.

[jeffy89]

Day 18

Haven’t missed a day yet! Wheeeeee I love how easy it is

Weight: 59.3kg ahh well at least I know the 1kg I lost was “real”!

Huel review: Tried the cacao flavour pack. Not bad, but I think chocolate was better. Does anyone know if the flavour packs pack calories?

Food intake:

• Huel 112g, cacao flavour pack
• ~1 dark chocolate cookie
• Dinner—chicken breast bbq, broccoli, 6 cherry tomatoes
• ~2 hot cross buns

Other observations:

@Michael_Rozdoba aw I hope it’ll get better >< I’m rooting for you! Isn’t it annoying how our mental health can affect our food habits and weight/health and haha yeah food waste is so difficult to deal with

@GTIPuG duuuuuude that’s absolutely insane! Glad you enjoyed it though xD Nothing worse that a shit ton of untasty calories. Have you heard the “10000 calorie challenge”? You’d probably smash that no problem, most people struggle through it haha. Well, you and me both then, 1500kcal buddies I’m so envious, I wish I could eat 2000 as a deficit but I’m a largely sedentary tiny Asian girl so apparently not :’(

[jeffy89]

Day 19

Weight: 58.9-59.1kg

Huel Review: I thought the banana flavour was going to be very artificial, but it tasted a bit like those banana cream twinkies. Not bad tbh!

Food Intake:

• Huel 112g, banana flavour system
• Sweets—say 2-3 cookies?? Yknow what? I’m gonna stop buying cookies until the end of May bc it’s honestly not worth it: knocks me back like 700kcal, could’ve eaten and peeled and cs brioche instead + actually enjoy nutella & mini pancakes + 28 frickin PB cups + could pick at muffins instead + another 1.5 Huel… yeah I think I’ll do that instead haha cost-benefit analysis
• 2 seaweed packets (48kcal)
• Dinner—chicken, broccoli, nooch + 1 brioche bun

Other observations:

• Ugh I’ve overeaten Sighhhhhhh gon gain tmr fml I need to get my head on straight re: weight loss again! I feel like I’ve been a bit distracted and using school starting as an excuse, but NO EXCUSES. I definitely should start eating healthier and I’m gonna follow through with that no-cookie-buying thing.

[jeffy89]

Day 20

Weight: 59.8kg HELP WHAT’S GOING WRONG I swear aside from the cookies (which probably aren’t 1000kcal worth) I’ve been doing everything right??? It sucks because it feels like I’m not going completely off track yet the scale jumps so much quicker than it decreases… I can’t give up though.

Huel Review: still loving it, honestly enjoying and looking forward to it so much haha.

Food Intake:

• Huel 112g, cinnamon
• 80g milk chocolate from 2 cookies — I’m hereby committing to not consuming another cookie until the end of May @GTIPuG feel free to call me out if I do
• 2 eggs + 2.5 ham
• 1/2 of Huel 112g, 5g cocoa

Exercise: 1h hip hop + some cycling

Other observations:

• My stomach feels weird after consuming my second Huel hmm. Not used to the amount of fibre perhaps?

@Stole_My_Sweetroll thank you :’)) I’ll just keep trying to do better and not let this sabotage my efforts! I’m just scared that it won’t drop off and is denoting an upward trend sigh

[Stole_My_Sweetroll]

One comment I’ve got to make here, is don’t stress about the scales, like seriously, and this is coming from a fellow ED sufferer…

I started a mini cut after a 2-3 year slow bulk and instantly lost 6lbs in a day!!! Guess what? Water!

Upon refeed day it comes back, so again likely glycogen and water, and then drops off after the Monday workout, that’s just the nature of the beast when it comes to fat loss I’m afraid.

Don’t sweat it. Your doing good.

[GTIPuG]

Yup second this…

Takes more than people think to change a body, either up or down.

That breakfast I had on Friday, that morning I weighed in at 82.2kg, this morning, 81.9kg.

May have been 4000 cals after my dinner (which equates to 1lb of fat), but I didn’t gain anything.

Then again, you can’t keep smashing cookies then wonder why you’re not getting the results. Genuinely, just try not even buying the junk. Only way to prevent access to it.

[jeffy89]

Day 21

Whoa it’s been 3 weeks straight of Huel! Feels like just yesterday I took the plunge and bought Huel at 3am in the morning xD

Weight: 59.8kg ahhhh

Huel Review: Vanilla Huel, great as ever

Food Intake: (1566kcal)

• 1 bite of friend’s spinach risotto + 1 bite lasagna peas
• NewHuel 112g
• 2 plums
• Snacks—2.5 brioche, 5 slices ham, 2 hard boiled egg whites with a bit of yolk
• Dinner—150g chicken w broccoli & 5 cherry tomatoes
• 3 butterfinger cups
• 5 grapes

Other observations:

• I’m either feeling really bloated or really fat
• I was able to go to lunch with friends without eating! I mean I’m sure it seems a bit odd but it was true lol I wasn’t hungry then and also wasn’t inclined to eat cheese laden Italian food I didn’t crave just to fit in
• I RESISTED COOKIES!!! When they were offered to me TWICE. So proud xD
• Re: ED, I’m starting to face the same issues ‘normal’ people do when trying to lose weight! Like eating healthier, not eating so much sweets…almost without the ED undertone of over/under-restriction and playing the mental game
• Also re: ED, I realise I’m not thinking about food as much as I used to. My world used to literally revolve around food especially when trying to eat as little as possible: planning meals, looking for low calorie recipes, looking up diets, tracking food, reading about nutrition, watching food I couldn’t eat, looking up food blogs, scouring the internet for healthy restaurants, eat my meals then keep thinking about my next meal…my activities were secondary to my food times. Food was the world. It feels quite liberating to not have to think about food quite as much. It feels a lot more like nutrition that I do enjoy.