Mad hermit wants to be a lanky streak of piss

Hello everyone. I joined the forum bloody ages ago but I haven’t posted before. I’ve been fascinated by the liquid food thing since Soylent was first announced, and I tried Joylent in 2015, then Huel a couple of years later. I didn’t change my diet then, but I hit 16 stone at the end of 2018 and decided enough was enough. I’m 41, 6’4" and currently 14 stone 7 pounds. I suffer from severe depression and social anxiety, and for the last few years I’ve been largely housebound, due to the outside world being a hellscape populated by terrifying humans.

My diet before starting Huel was crisps. I’m sure there were other things but I mainly remember, miss, and crave crisps. I could just eat some crisps now in fact. I stopped buying crisps because I would definitely be eating crisps now if there were some crisps here.

I’ve been eating mostly Huel for the past two months. I try to eat 1500 calories every day. At first I stuck to this limit ruthlessly, but now I just make sure I land somewhere between 1500 and 2000 calories. My TDEE is 2300 calories so I lose weight every day without fail. My eating is still somewhat disordered, so I eat at strange times and sometimes blow my calorie budget before noon. Generally I’ll have a bowl of granola (105g, 1/4 of a box) with 100ml Oatly, which is 430 calories. I’ll have 1 or 2 Huel shakes, 4 scoops in a full shaker, which is 600 calories. 4 scoops is THE BEST, it’s so satisfying. I know some people prefer little and often but I want a massive dose of fuel so overwhelming that I immediately fall unconscious like a fucking lion.

If I need a few more calories that day I’ll have something crap like a peanut butter sandwich. I also have some Huel bars but I’m unemployed, they’re expensive, so I save them for if I go out, which hardly ever happens.

When I first tired Huel I mixed it in a Nutribullet. Nowadays I can’t be arsed with that so I just shake hard and pray to the God of Lumps to grant me lumps that are small and cheeky, and not unwelcome choke bombs made of dust. I just got the Chocolate flavour and [CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BRACE YOURSELF] it’s nice. It’s probably my favourite flavour. Coffee is sad and tastes exactly like getting a D in an exam. Vanilla is decent but I’m sure it used to be nicer, and when I drink it I think about how I’m sure it used to be nicer, and that’s all I can think about it’s like a dying marriage it’s killing us both but we don’t talk and it’s never going to stop until the bag runs out. Berry should be illegal. I haven’t tired Mint-Chocolate yet. I bought some cinnamon to spice things up but I keep forgetting I’ve got it.

I also like both varieties of granola so equally that if you made me choose one at gunpoint I’d dither for so long that you’d have to kill me. And I really like the bars, but like I said, I can’t afford to eat too many (plus I’d fart myself to DEATH).

I’ve also started logging my water intake like a proper insane person, and I got a Fitbit so every day I can learn “Hey you mostly did fuck-all but you sure can sleep”. I am gonna start the “get fit” part of my “lose weight and get fit” plan, but it won’t be today.

I realised that I’ve accidentally gone vegan. I’m not gonna stick to it too rigidly - if I’m a guest in someone’s home I’ll eat what I’m given, even if they’ve cooked their own children. If I eat out I’ll have whatever I fancy. But at home I’m going to avoid animal products from now on since it’s better for the environment and makes me feel like I’m doing a tiny bit to stave off the impending catastrophe.

You love numbers so here come some numbers:

15 April - 222 lbs
30 April - 217 lbs
14 May - 211 lbs
29 May - 204 lbs
12 June - 202 lbs
??? - 0 lbs I have achieved transcendence and am one with the cosmos

My tentative goal is 180 lbs, and I’ll see how my waist looks then.

How are you all doing? What about this rain eh?


Intentionally or not, your phraseology has made me laugh out loud (at work…) and has put a rather large smile on my face - “cooked their own children” is particularly laugh worthy.

All the very best and get some mint chocolate premix into you. Honestly like drinking a crumbled up Aero.


F*ck. I would have been happy with that.


Sorry for getting you sacked! Come join me on the scrapheap, it’s comfier than it looks.

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That it is, oh indeed. But let’s try not to talk about politics, eh? :wink:

Nice going on the weight loss. I’m almost a foot shorter than you but with otherwise similar stats. :flushed: I keep seeing people posting on here about how great their weight loss is going and know I really ought to make an organised effort at it myself. Being fat and lazy sucks!


I can do lazy. Think many of us can at times, if we’re honest. I can also be focused when I set my mind to something. Am sure you can too :grin:


I can be pretty determined - what I fail at is being pretty determined 100% of the time! Oops… and there’s half a packet of biscuits disappeared. I like food, plus I’m an emotional eater, so food is comfort. I need to curb the times when I basically turn into Pac-Man.

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Those are the times when you need to keep the cupboards bare (except for Huel of course :smile:) and the fridge full of fruit and veg.

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It’s very hard not to be lazy. This is the first time I’ve successfully gotten my eating under control, and I’ve done it by accepting my weaknesses. If there is junk food, I’ll eat it. I don’t live alone so sometimes there is junk food. If I eat it, no big deal, but I count the calories.

If I hit my calories limit I’m not allowed to eat any more that day. It doesn’t matter if it’s 3am and all I’ve eaten is biscuits.

After a while you learn that it isn’t worth gorging on crap because it causes the rest of the day to be shite. I’m a comfort eater too, so a full day of discomfort is not fun. The midnight blowouts have become less frequent.

The good thing about Huel is that you can very easily make a square meal that contains precisely how many calories you want. It makes logging calories less of a chore, which means I’m less likely to get lazy and stop logging.

My last rule is that if I completely go off the rails and lose track and go over the limit and eat like Godzilla, it’s just one day and it doesn’t matter at all. Tomorrow I’m helping my friend move house and that’ll burn some calories, but she’s buying dinner as a thank you and I will probably consume an entire planet. Not gonna track it or think about it because it’s just one day and it doesn’t matter at all.

So I bet you could do it. The ‘organised’ part is much more important than the ‘effort’ part. Track calories and don’t go over. Use MyFitnessPal as the ghosts to your Pac-Man.


I still use MFP to maintain. It’s also great to look at the graphs from time to time and see the trend.

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It’s really good. I tried a couple of alternatives (LoseIt and Lifesum) but they recognised fewer barcodes and don’t link with Fitbit unless you subscribe.

Cool avatar. The best thing about being a Borg is having a barcode scanner built in.

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Agreed. A work colleague bought me a McDonald’s breakfast bagel and I obliged (firstly because it would have been rude to decline and secondly, and most importantly, it smelt delicious).

This totally ruined my calories for the day and meant that I skipped lunch. It’s crapped all over my day as only an hour or two after the Maccy D’s breakfast I was hungry again. Had I had another Huel I would have been fuller for way longer.

It’s best not indulge in the unhealthy stuff as it’s just a downward spiral from there. Lessons learned.

Keep up the good work :facepunch:t3:

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Yeah this is a good example. I think you were correct to let your colleague do something nice for you, and I would have done the same (those bagels, seriously…) but I would have made a big deal that it’s a rare treat due to your diet, to dissuade them from making a habit of it.

Because if someone regularly bought me McDonalds for breakfast, I would never be able to say no and I would double in size rather quickly.

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Agreed! Definitely going to use that line.

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I know we’re trying to be careful with calories here but can I just spend one glorious minute in that fantasy where someone regularly brings me a mcdonalds breakfast? :bagel:

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Oh man, yesterday I had a burger for the first time in months. Today I have all the old cravings again. I’m resisting and hopefully they’ll piss off in a day or two.

You’re a very funny man. As someone who’s suffering from depression as you do, I totally get where you’re humor is coming from, but that doesn’t make it less funny.

I applaud the commitment you made. Hope it makes your life a little better and a little easier.


Thanks! Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. Crap innit.

Just hit 200 lbs. The nice thing about having different units of weight is we can have lots of milestones. 200 lbs is today. Next will be 90kg. Then 14 stone.

I recalculated my TDEE yesterday and it’s 2300 calories. When I started losing weight it was closer to 2500 so it’s come down quite a bit. I’d like to keep losing weight at this pace so I need to reduce my daily intake.

I’m going to eat 84g of granola (1/5 of a box) for breakfast and have four-scoop shakes for lunch and dinner. I also realised I’ve been eating less than I thought for the last couple of months. For some reason I’d calculated four scoops of Huel to be 150g, but it’s actually 132g! So each time I had a shake I was recording 72 calories more than I was actually eating. That explains why the diet was more successful than I anticipated.

Including the milk on the granola that comes to 1400 calories per day. That’s 900 below my TDEE (and 500 below my BMR, but I’m not scared) and should mean I continue to lose 1-2 pounds per week.

Sunday turned out to less of a “cheat” day and more of a “let’s steal the pension fund and abscond to the Bahamas” day. I estimate that I ate over 4000 calories. It was fucking brilliant! We went to Nation of Shopkeepers in Leeds and while the food wasn’t as good as we’d hoped, it was such a change of pace that my body went into shock and I was found months later, naked and wandering the moors. So yeah, not gonna weigh myself until next week.


Huel seems to be popular amongst those of us suffering from depression, maybe because it’s so convenient. I know I lost interest in cooking due to that. Then I had a change of meds and went right off huel. I’ve absolutely ballooned as I’ve been living basically on biscuits, cake, crisps and Iceland’'s vegan pizza. I don’t dare weigh myself, but judging by the size of my belly, I’ve hit an all time high. Can’t wait for the next bout of mania, when I shall probably take up running again and exist entirely on Huel and health foods. And make several decisions I later regret in my personal life, but hey-ho.