📓 Daily Journal: Intermittent Fasting (16:8), ED Recovery and Weight Loss


#364

Day 162 I’m tired.

Weight: 52.9kg le sigh

Food Intake: (lmao I tallied at the end of the day and it was 2604kcal OOPS. Update I binged again after going home so it’s probably ~3300kcal but I surprisingly don’t feel like killing myself)

  • 112g Huel, Matcha & ChocFS
  • 1 can chilli tomato tuna
  • 2 packets seaweed
  • 1 packet chips more
  • 1 packet Apollo wafers
  • a lot of binging ahahahaha ignore me…

Activity: (2344kcal out)

  • 45min Urban Hip Hop
  • 1h Power Pump class
  • 16,702 steps total

Other Observations:

  • Need to stop eating outside food / overeating in general I was so damn close
  • After my appointment with the psychologist today… I really think I’m gonna take a break from calorie counting. It’s borne out of fear that I’d regain all the weight I lost, but I can’t expend 70% of my time and energy trying to lose weight. I’m exhausted and it’s just not sustainable. Besides, ideally, I’d like to be able to manage my weight and understand and trust my body’s cues, not stuff myself out of dissociation.
  • It will take a while before the initial novelty of not calorie counting (aka perhaps a bit of overeating) dies down, so I will accept that a bit of gain may happen, but it’s part of the process and I KNOW how to lose weight. I will not regain all the weight so long as i don’t think “screw it” and let go.
  • Ok so today was quite a bingey day and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was around 3300kcal consumed: I think I got quite excited thinking I’m not gonna be obsessively restrictive, and my brain is scared that I’m just gonna be overly strict to compensate so it binges now. It’s all a process, and it WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END. This is gonna be a Long post since I’m trying to figure out what exactly I’m trying to do
  • 11.42pm: sooooooooo i really did try, but as it turns out I couldn’t deal with having over eaten and the scale saying 55kg, so I shoveled down a bunch of ice cream that i couldn’t taste because I’m sick and then I purged… ;-;

—————————————————————————————
The Plan (Take II): fret not, I’ll still be keeping up the log :stuck_out_tongue:

  1. I’ll be weighing myself still, and I’ll keep trying to reach my 52 goal even though I know that might not happen. It WILL though, and I won’t have to sacrifice my mental health for it.
  2. 12-8
  3. Huel
  4. Water
  5. Track food still—eat balanced meals!!!
  6. New: Listen to my body’s cues, if it’s satiated, don’t stuff it. I don’t NEED food all the time.
  7. KEEP TRYING MY BEST. Just because I’ve had a surplus doesn’t mean I need to be all or nothing and blow it. I’ll be doing this for days; the food won’t run away. + more = diminishing marginal returns.

Goals

  • Listen to my body’s cues, be able to stop. It’s so difficult to tear myself away, it’s almost like I’d rather feel like crap than to leave things on a plate.
  • See how well I can estimate what my body needs without counting (my checks and balances being the scale, my 12-8 rule, desire for consistency, hating the feeling of being full, not wanting to have to purge.)
  • Get rid of the exercise calories-food calories link bc it’s stressing me out too much
  • Spend more brain effort on other productive things like GETTING AN INTERNSHIP (I really want to intern at Huel; I’ve literally never believed so much in a product and its cause before)
  • Be able to go out with friends before I go back! Enjoy these last few days :slight_smile:
  • Stop being so all or nothing—like overeating = binge, or unknown calories = binge
  • To keep picking healthy options: just because I’m not counting the calories or macros doesn’t mean they don’t count. They still do, and they still affect my health.
  • Not feel the need to “finish” everything. Work on some lingering behaviours.
  • Learn: Observe as much of the side effects as I can! Maximise this experience :slight_smile:

What to expect

  • My weight may go up to 54kg. Hopefully not more.
  • I may binge a bit the first few days of excitement. I will also be very disappointed that I’ve been so close to my goal of 52 and didn’t reach it yet —> Remind myself that this is an investment, and work hard at sticking to 12-8 and listening to my bodily cues. Give myself a week or two to settle into this. I need a mental break, and I can always do a 100% Huel when I get back to the UK next week!

Mantras to remind myself

  • I KNOW how to lose weight. It’s not out of my control. If I have a break, I’m a lot more likely to be able to renew my strength and commitment to do this.
  • It will take longer, but giving up isn’t gonna get me anywhere. I will get there so long as I keep trying. The road is winding but it will get there.
  • Losing weight isn’t actually all that matters in life. What does, is my making progress and not giving up on my goals. Sure, at the end of the day, I love losing fat. But what truly wrecks me is a lack of direction and goals to achieve.

#365

Day 163

Weight: 53.3kg

Food Intake: (1587kcal in, gonna count it as 1636kcal)

  • 112g Huel, ChocFS&BananaFS
  • 100g enoki, 100g broccoli
  • Sweets—15 pinches cookie doughs, 30g choc chip cookie, cs mooncake
  • Snacks—15g beancurd fishcake roll w 1T XO sauce
  • 1 tin tomato tuna, 2 eggwhites

Activity: (2189kcal out)

  • 1h interval training
  • 40min Zumba
  • 12,078 steps total

Other Observations:

  • I’m starting to be more excited about baking and cooking. I guess if I’d had to track everything meticulously, cooking is honestly just such a pain. But I made roasted veggies (with an oil spray) and they taste SO GOOD!!! Really enjoying it :slight_smile:
  • I realised I was still very stuck in a black and white, all-or-nothing mindset: I hadn’t realised that I’d put food into 2 categories
  1. Good—Known calories, my own measured food or from a packet or Huel, repeated & part of a routine
  2. Bad—Unknown calories, outside food, not-worth-it, not repeated
    …and that kind of meant that I mentally compartmentalised my home food to not have to be very tasty, because knowing the calories and losing weight off of it was of utmost importance. I need to strike a balance.
  • I’ve started to have a little more mental space to do other things! What my psychologist said rang true: I don’t want to live my life focusing 70% of my brain on food and losing weight. And besides, the less I think about it, the more likely I am to eat less and actually enjoy my food! Already, I’m doing things like art (calligraphy), baking for people, spending time with my mum…
  • Its a little difficult to rationalise that’s the mental benefits are worth it, and that the physical weight gains (that WILL BE TEMPORARY I SWEAR BECAUSE IM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS WEIGHT LOSS THING) are ok for now. But I’ll stick this through as much as it kills me, I know it’s good for the long run. For example, I’m going to go exercise, not with the mindset that I need to burn as many calories as possible, but because I know I need activity and it’s good for me. Helps with a deficit too, although that can’t be the sole reason since I don’t know what my calories in are.
  • OMG: AHHHHH GUYS!!! So I logged my intake at the end of the day and guess what? (I mean some are estimates but still) It totaled to around 1500-1600kcal!! AND here’s the kicker: when I looked at the macros, it was a perfect 41:29:30 split?! Even with the cookie dough included! Maybe I can actually slowly start to trust my body… :open_mouth: I think I almost cried with happiness.
  • Buffet Lunch tomorrow, another dinner on Sunday, last family day on Monday, flight & jet lag on Tuesday, settling back into the UK after…this is going to be a tough week.
  • 2am: I’m still full. Crap I probably miscounted and have over-eaten after all. :frowning: Bracing myself for yet another gain…

#366

Day 164

Weight: 53.3kg

Food Intake: (a lot; also binged on bread & purged ><)

Activity: (2376kcal out)

  • 45min dance class
  • 17,510 steps total (clubbing LOLLLL)

Other Observations:

  • Was very tired. Binged on bread til I was so stuffed it hurt to ~exist~ let alone move…had to get it out of me :confused: Definitely don’t think a buffet is a good idea anymore.

#367

Im really impressed by your activity level, you rock! Even on my most active days, where I feel like I really have given it a lot, I’m not burning more than just around 2000 kcal - and most days I struggle to get above 1500. Even when I clock 15k steps - and I’m taller and heavier than you :grimacing:

So remember to give your self credit for that, it’s really an achievement to be that active


#368

Day 165

Weight: 52.3kg lel alcohol dehydration

Food Intake: (~1659kcal in)

  • 1/2 of 112g Huel, ChocFS
  • 65g red bean bread & 45g kaya bun & 10g choc bread
  • 23 pieces chicken in porridge
  • 100g ea of (cabbage, enoki mushroom)
  • 1/2 peanut cookie
  • 3 egg whites
  • Dinner – Omurice w Japanese curry & 2 slices katsu

Activity: (2538kcal out)

  • 24,217 steps total

Other Observations:

  • I think I can do with this level of not tracking calories. I’d just input it at the end of the day for fun, and it didn’t seem exorbitant. I’ve eaten what I’ve felt like mostly, and was able to go out to eat with a Friend without really freaking out about the choices. Choosing Japanese curry when my initial pick of mixed veggies wasn’t available, and managing to stop eating when i wasn’t actually hungry anymore. A lot more flexible, and more mental space to deal with other problems.
  • Less inclination to EAT ALL THE SWEETS now that I’ve allowed my brain the freedom to essentially eat whatever I want :’) Also don’t feel the need to eat sweets JUST BECAUSE I CAN, am starting to listen to what my body actually wants. This is so new to me.

#369

Day 166

Weight: 52.9kg not gonna hit my 52 goal in time but ah well this is more important

Food Intake:

  • 56g NewHuel, 2g MatchaFS
  • binge binge binge—a shit ton of bread, homemade cookies, 1 turnip pancake, etc.
  • hugeass dinner—23 pieces sashimi, eggplant, scallops, 1 soft shell crab, mooncake, broccoli, seaweed, salmon belly, etc etc etc

Activity: (2055kcal out)

  • 1h Funkblitz
  • some strength exercises
  • 11,743 steps total

Other Observations:

  • b&p’d siGH; yesterday was a good day though. I tried not to, but I know it’s emotional because I’m leaving home tomorrow and I guess it gets my mind off things? & also idk I just had one thing on my mind—to get rid of all the remaining food I have in the house and will not be able to have for the next year…which is a lot.
  • bp’d again because it’s the last family dinner and last of home food and ahhhhhh I wish I dealt with stress better :frowning:

#370

I like the days when you do not record anything.

How do you feel morally/mentally these days?


#371

She’s just getting started. Check back in a few hours and all the info will be there. If you prefer journals with no content, you ought to check mine out!!!


#372

@Wendy_Shepherd HAAAHAHAHAHAHAA omg it cracked me up that you even know my method of posting :joy::joy:

@Latestfuels

Why? Isn’t this a daily journal :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I don’t know, pretty drained because I’ll have yet another significant change in routine in environment sigh.


#373

Mostly because I believe that in order to be at our best (healthiest) we should not be measuring every step we take. Do not get me wrong, I myself have a watch with stepcounter, a MFP account and continuously make choices (food and others) looking at calories and nutritional parameters.

It is just that those days that I get to not worry about it are when I feel the most free.


#374

Some people thrive on freedom, others are burdened by the effects of freedom more than anything else. We’re all different. :smiley:


#375

Day 167

Weight: 52.4kg

Food Intake:

  • 100g of (cabbage, mushroom, broccoli)
  • 1/2 unagi
  • 2/3 red bean fan
  • 1 mini kaya bun
  • 1 turkey w bean & 3 pumpkin
  • 2/3 butter berry cake
  • 5 heavenly bites ice cream
  • 1/2 muffin
  • salad :green_salad: w tuna
  • 1 turkey w jam
  • 2 egg whites
  • tuna sandwich most of :sandwich:
  • 1 packet twisties (82kcal)
  • 1 small square Hershey’s (~15kcal)
  • 1 packet chips more (98kcal)
  • 1 strawberry mini chupachups (~15-30)
  • 2 chewing gum

Activity: probably none bc imma be on a plane :airplane:️ (1904kcal out, 7571 steps total)

Other Observations:

  • Haven’t been doing too well on the recovery front. Tbh I’m exhausted and everything’s changing and I guess I fall back into bad habits…just don’t have the energy to think through it all and come up with game plans.
  • Although I know that something I need to do is settle into a healthy sustainable lifestyle to once again lose weight gradually, instead of erratic gains and losses. I don’t want to be attributing my weight loss to having purged, nor start to associate purging with good or rewarding. I choose how to wire my brain.
  • 9.31pm: I’m so disoriented with the days but HELLO UK HUELERS IM BAcK IN YOUR TIMEZONE!! :tada::tada::tada:
  • Food-wise today has been FANTASTIC. Planes and time zones usually mess me up so much and I often end up binging, but it’s been amazing! More details to follow. Tl;dr i’m getting better at listening to my body and hunger signals, and not counting calories does help with less anxiety when I’m having an absolute upheaval in routine :slight_smile:

#376

Hey Chris, I just wanted to say as a complete newbie, who has been reading all the topics, I have found your story, updates and conversations with others fascinating and hugely inspirational. You should be extremely proud of yourself and know that even the smallest detail shared could go a long way to helping someone else.

I have pulled this quote out, as I thought I’d offer some unsolicited advice (which is the worst kind, but still…). Whilst you are in an energy funk, try not to beat yourself up planning. You already have game plans that you’ve used successfully in the past (I know this as I’ve read a lot of your posts over the past few days). It’s no bad thing to revisit what has worked in the short term, whilst you conserve energy and get yourself ready for a new plan. It may mean standing still, but importantly it’s not going backwards and that will give you time to scheme.

Look after yourself and keep talking/posting.

Onwards. :+1:t3:


#377

Day 168

Weight: 52.0kg abOUT FRIKIN TIME!!! :tada::tada::tada:

Food Intake:

  • 112g Huel, ChocFS
  • tuna sandwich; cupcake, cake
  • carrots, eggplant dip, 8 grapes, 12 chicken slices, 80g crayfish tails, 1 fibre one chocolate cake bar
  • fish & veg
  • 1 slice chicken bacon pizza

Activity: (2153kcal out)

  • 11,762 steps total

Other Observations:

  • Looks like I can indeed hit my goals without explicitly counting every calorie! I’ve counted so long I CAN TRUST MYSELF.
  • So what I did (without really planning beforehand tbh) was to eat from 12-8pm in my home timing. I’d eat my own lunch, then pack the one the airline gave me for when I was actually hungry. Then I’m fasting until 12-8pm UK time (which is 7h extra, so 24h). It’s not THAT difficult because we had to get off and on planes and coaches and stuff, BUT hunger got pretty rumbly and I spent most of fasting awake. Made it easy and straightforward to just write eating off my mind and work with the changing timezones. Besides, I spent most of the trip sedentary so I don’t actually need more calories.
  • It’s hard because the schedule is so erratic, but I’ll try my best! 12-8 and 10,000 steps; I forgot to get my Huel from the porters oops.

#378

Day 169

Weight: 52.4kg

Food Intake:

  • 1/2 of (112g NewHuel)
  • lamb moussaka
  • 1/2 packer mixed veggies w 15g sesame sauce + 1/2 tin tuna w 15g mustard
  • shit ton of cake, cookies, ice cream, idek man
  • more cake, snacks, strawberries, grapes
  • chicken w kale
  • trifle pudding

Activity: (2366kcal out)

  • 19,314 steps total

Other Observations:

  • NOT GOOD. B/p’d twice. Overate. Idk man I guess stress and jetlag and routine change and so many unknown food situations and PMS…

@MarkyT Thanks for the very sound advice (unsolicited or not, still useful); will do! And thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot :slight_smile: hahaha I totally know what you mean by having read ALL the posts; that was me when I first got onto the forum! :stuck_out_tongue: kudos on making it through my metric shit ton of posts though hahahhaa hope Huel’s been good for you so far!


#379

No problem at all Chris. :+1:

One minute I’m reading about bowel movements and the next about licking the lid of the shaker to prevent dripping. It’s a roller coaster. :roller_coaster:

I haven’t started yet, but I plan on diving in over the next week or 2. Genuinely can’t wait. Whoop.


#380

Day 170

Weight: 52.4kg

Food Intake:

  • 1/2 of (112g NewHuel)
  • veggies, 1/2 can tuna
  • Binge—cakes, brownies, cookies, cornflakes, 3 chicken, idk
  • ice cream
  • Dinner—2 sushi :sushi:, miso soup, broccoli w sesame sauce
  • 8 strawberries

Activity: (2209kcal out)

  • 15,774 steps total

Other Observations:

  • b/p’d again even though I told myself not to in the morning!! UGH I think it’s because of how out of control I feel with the routine and type of food changing. Not counting calories worked for a while back home because I’d already gotten used to a type of routine that worked so I already had a feel for it, but rn it’s all over the place; there’s so much food everywhere; I don’t know how to regulate myself and I don’t have a routine and ahhhhhhh. Things should get better after tomorrow though, and I’ll try to come up with more of a plan. In the meantime, I’m just terrified of gaining with all the social events and how out of control I am, and so I end up purging ugh.
  • I might go back to calorie counting depending, to get me into a healthy rhythm.
  • Why I don’t want to purge:
  1. I know binging and purging will most likely either stall my weight loss or make me gain since like 70% would be absorbed and if I binge with the knowledge I’d be purging it could be thousands of calories.
  2. Screws up my teeth and enamel
  3. Puffy cheeks
  4. Socially inappropriate
  5. I want a consistent healthy routine and not be sucked further into bulimia. I need to learn how to cope with all this in healthy ways.
  6. Messes up my electrolyte levels and makes me dehydrated af.
  7. Sore throats :((

#381

Hi Chris,

What has worked best for you in the past, in helping you from binging/purging? Was there a particular plan/routine/combo that was working, that you could revisit (I appreciate that what I am talking about is a lot easier said than done!).

I know in the past you spent a period of time going 100% Huel. Did that work for you? How did you cope with it? Could going 100% be like pressing a reset for you, before easing “traditional” food back in to your daily routine?

I am very far from an expert on ED’s, so rather than offer advice, I’m asking questions in the hope that it prompts a chat about the positive actions that have worked for you.


#382

Day 171

Weight: 52.8kg

Food Intake: (1700kcal in)

  • 1/2 of (112g NewHuel)

Activity: (2125kcal out)
*

Other Observations:

  • Weight increase bc—ate 3h later than usual, binging, PMS
  • My throat really hurts. I want to not purge, but I need to find an alternative system.
  • Okay since I need a little more guidance wrt settling into a routine (this will be seen as the transition period) + more control + more incentive not to binge & to value consistency instead, I am going to log calories at the end of the day. See how far off I am and tweak accordingly. I’ll give myself a week to try this out, and will try my best not to b/p. (csok)

#383

Day 172

Weight: 53.1kg HAHAHHAHA THIS BLOODY WEIGHT AGAIN I’m laughing

Food Intake: (2292kcal in w/o purging)

  • 1/2 of (112g NewHuel)
  • carrots, tomatoes, 1 can tuna w mustard
  • binge—chocolate, brownies, 330g ice cream, pork scratchings etc.
  • 1 piece fish, 1 piece Chinese chicken

Activity: (1978kcal out)

  • 11,095 steps total

Other Observations:

  • I need a plan but I’m just so overwhelmed by all the events and rapidly changing routine and food and ahhhhhhhhh I keep gaining weight & I don’t have an exercise programme!!! AGH I’m just gonna try not to gain beyond 53.5kg or 54kg. Stick to my habits. 12-8. Huel. It will settle down; this will all come to pass.
  • struggling. b/p’d.