Great idea Chris. Excellent start. Well done. Bring on day 3.
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Day 210
Weight: 52.4kg lel this really has to stop I need regularity
Food Intake: (5001kcal in)
- 1/2 of 112g Huel, MochaFS
- 1 Huel Orange Bar
- 60g Huel Granola
- 150g chicken slices
- 100g carrots
Activity: (2037kcal out)
- 1h hip hop
Other Observations:
- I WILL NOT BP TODAY.
- ā¦fck.
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Damn straight. 
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Day 211
Weight: 52.3kg
Food Intake:
- 1/2 NewHuel, MochaFS
- 150g chicken slices
- 60g Huel Granola
- 2696kcal bp
- 2000+kcal bp
Activity: (1500kcal out)
*
Other Observations:
- That ToM is definitely not helping. Came yesterday and I just felt bloated and fat and guilty and cranky :((
- I thought that once I stopped having binge food around I just ā¦wouldnāt bingeā¦ (logical, right?) but just as how I ran out to get ice cream last time, i faRKING MADE A MUGCAKE TO BP ON wtf is wrong with me. Like, literally out of flour sugar cocoa egg
and ate thousands of calories of Nutella even though itās farking hard to purge just because I donāt have anything else to bp onāNutella isnāt even a binge food wtf. Would probably be better to get actual cake lmao. - Iām farking stupid I was supposed to have my psychologist appointment today that I definitely needed buT I FCKED UP AND MISSED IT because of daylight savings?!! And i missed a lecture too ughhhh my life is a mess.
- On the upside Huel is managing my physiological food cravings! (Nowā¦just gotta work on that darn mental side.)
- Iām sick of thinking; this disorder is killing me and I really didnāt expect this bullshit to go on for as long as it has. I hate disappointing you guys and idk, Iām probably just gonna write the factual log in the next coupla days. Feeling very defeated and exhausted.
Thats fascinating, because we are in sync, and bizarrely I made peanut butter biscuits last night because I didnāt have any other dry food in the house. So it may be more linked to your cycle than is immediately obvious.
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Cheeky bit of James for you ladies:
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I feel like Iāve just watched the definition of mansplaining there!! 
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Thatās a bit harsh, I learned a few things. Like for at least 2 weeks out of 4 Iāve got the perfectexcuse not to go to the gym. Just need to find an excuse for the other two weeks now 
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Before I watched that I didnāt have a clue about the actual chemistry of the menstrual cycle. I asked my girlfriend who also watched it and she said the same. Useful to a lot of people I guess but thereās always going to be those that feel any kind of useful information presented by a man is āmansplainingā. Mad world!
Itās not that
Itās more that he did waffle on a lot, there was some science but a lot of generalisations about women & PMS & jokes about asking what week of her cycle a woman is in before asking for something etcā¦ The whole thing is so complex with the menstrual cycle & how hormonal changes affect blood sugar & cause insulin resistance & carb cravings, which yes he did touch on but thereās a whole lot more to it, relating to neurotransmitters in the brain etc & other factors such as how much each individual womanās cycle can vary, how age & whether you have had children or are currently breast feeding has a big impact. The graph was informative, but only holds true for women who are not on any kind of hormonal contraceptives, which also vary a lot in their effects but generally cause a flattening out of hormones thru the cycle.
I probably am quite harsh, but he just didnāt impress me that much with the waffle & I didnāt find the explanation that effectiveā¦ Hence I felt mansplained to! 
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Hey Chris, just seen your updateā¦ Youāre not disappointing us, we just want to see you well & happy, & none of us are professionals in ED. Synchronise your clocks, get to your next pysch appt come hell or high water & in the meantime just do your very best to be kind to yourself. This ED bullshit cannot exist in the light of your own self loveā¦ Burn bright!! And please give yourself a break. Weāre all rooting for you here no matter what. 
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@jeffy89, I want to second what @VenusFly said. You are disappointing exactly zero people.
Weāre here to listen and offer support whenever you need it. Thatās what this community is all about.
Look after yourself and smash another BP-free day when youāre good and ready. 
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Day 222 no Huel, friendās over
Weight: 52.0kg
Food Intake: (1741kcal in)
- Lunchāvegan curry w salad, 1/2 lemon poppyseed cake
- 1 Americano
- Snacksā1 packet chicken slices, 60g Huel Granola bc I gotta get in some Huel, 1.5 custard slice
- Dinnerā4 chicken w broccoli & some rice, 2 grapes, 2 small matcha cookies
Activity: (1705kcal out)
- 7733 steps total
Other Observations:
- Itās not even completely about the weight anymoreāI was 52.0kg at the end of yesterday and I still b/pād and ended on 53.6ā¦I know Iād have been maybe 51.5 if I hadnāt but ED is never rational. My mind has just lost faith in my ability to meet my goals, and I desperately need to get that back and have it re-infiltrate the rest of my life again.
- didnāt binge but purged a tad after dinner so does that count lmao
b/p free: 2 + 1
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Look at this that just came up on my fbā¦ 
I hope you get to rest this weekend too, do some things that make you feel calm & happy. You are so much more than the issues you are having. Take care 
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Please donāt give up. You have done brilliantly well so far The rest of us go arse over tits too 
from time to time. More than some of us (me for one) choose to admit 
Donāt be too brutal with yourself 
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Day 223
Weight: 52.5kg
Food Intake:
- 1/2 of 112g NewHuel, BerryFS
- 150g chicken slices
- bp
- bp
Activity: (1761kcal)
- 9351 steps total
Other Observations:
- Weight isnāt even the primary focus anymore?! if it were Iād be a lot more compelled to just restrictā¦
- I know if I want to kickstart proper weight loss again, I could easily just do another week of 100% Huel and I think I just might, since I need this bp hell to stop. Itās just so difficult thinking of a plan when Iām so tired and my brain canāt function properly.
āāāāāāāāāāāāāāāā
ā100% HUELā
Iām gonna do it. Iām gonna think through this properly and commit to this. Iām not gonna be afraid of failing, I have to at least try.
Plan:
- When: 12/11/18-18/11/18
- What: 12-8pm IF; ~1450kcal of Huel (2x 112g drink/bar/granola)
- Fck recovery and balance; going on 100% Huel may be an extreme but it sure beats b/ping all the damn time. Iāll take it a step at a time. First Iāll do this, and then Iāll figure out what to do next. Fck choice and variety. I need to instil regularity and discipline in myself. It will have a net benefit.
Why:
Challenges Foreseen:
*
Reminders of who I am:
- I am goal oriented. I set goals and take steps to reach them.
- I am logical and rational.
- I am self-aware and reflective.
- I am resilient: good outcomes in the face of adversity.
- I make the most of my experiences, good or bad. Nothing is worthless if you make it a point to learn from it.
- My mind is stronger than I think: when youāre think youāre done, youāre only at 40%
- Only I can save myself
Healthy Thought Processes (and things I can do):
- Itās a rollercoaster ride, and only you can decide when to U-turn. The turning point is what matters, not the decline or incline.
- Itās not all or nothingādonāt meet one goal? Meet the rest! Itās cumulative.
- Using analogies.
- Using pre-set paths (if ___ then ___) to combat impulsive actions during emotionally charged/instant gratification-charged urges
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Day 224
Weight: 52.5kg
Food Intake:
- 1/2 of 112g NewHuel, BerryFS
- bpādonuts & ice cream
- bpāchinese food, cake, donuts
Activity: (1676kcal out)
- 5840 steps total
Other Observations:
- Sick of b/p-ing. But since itās become habit, itās going to be difficult to break out of. Thinking Iām gonna do 100% Huel for the coming days is quite the relief. Iām going to think through this properly and do this right.
Day 232
IM BACK BECHES
Weight: 51.4kg
Food Intake: (5371kcal in)
- 55g BerryHuel
- 1437kcal bp
- 60g Huel Granola
- 230g beans w nooch & sesame sauce
- 1651kcal bp
- 150g chicken slices
- 1901kcal bp
Activity: (1603kcal out)
- 3952 steps total
Other Observations:
- Had the planned binge, but after a week of getting all the nutrients my body needs and breaking out of the bp cycleā¦this bp was very different. I was bored and almost had to force myself to binge. I didnāt feel out of control. I was so chill. I wanted to put it down because well, I was satiated. It was a lot smaller in size and I didnāt stop only when I felt pain from a distended stomach. Midway through I started fantasizing about eating chicken and broccoli and say a Huel bar or two. I was planning to bp again later but idk it doesnāt have the same allure it did before. Weāll see what happens.
- I know my whole ED spiel probably seems quite off topic to Huel (Sorry!) but Iām honestly starting to think of how under-utilised this tool isābeing a psych student and having experimented on myself, I honestly believe Huel has so much potential to help ED sufferers. Just a nascent thought, will probably expand on it during the holidays. So yes, it can help people save time, save money, be healthier, save the environment, lose weight, gain weightā¦but it could also save lives
- 5.41pm: oHKAY this bp thing is actually shit Iāve been so unproductive and tired and discouraged once more. Gonna Huel for the rest of the week!
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Yeah you are! Get it.
EDIT: Also, 500th post. 
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